'Cause I don't believe she's the legitimate, biological, produced-in-the-traditional-way offspring of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I just don't.
I also think she might be wearing a wig.
I know. I know. It makes me sound mentally ill. But the eyebrows don't match the head-hair, and besides, that's a shitload of hair for a baby (especially one with such sparse eyebrows).
(Pic cribbed from MovieNewz.com, obviously.) According to Vanity Fair, this picture was taken July 27 of this year. Which would make lil' Suri 3 months old at the time of the photo. Now, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' nor babies (seriously -- ask anyone who's seen me around a baby; they kinda freak me out). But does that look like a 3-month-old to you?
No, I'm asking, here. Does she look 3 months old? Don't their faces still look all squished and confused at that age? I look at that face and I think "6 months or so, maybe more." (I also think "wig.")
This has been a dodgy enterprise from the word go, though. Remember the weird pregnancy? The sudden seclusion? The total lack of an actual baby for months now? I just can't escape the feeling that they finally found and purchased a passable infant. That's an awful thing to say, I know, but it's all so strange and kinda creepy.
In other news, I've been in a bit of a funk the past couple days, and I've decided that it might be caused or exacerbated by the sudden decline in the cumulative amount of joy, delight, wonder and fun in the world due to the death of Steve Irwin. He could be a nut, no doubt, but he loved all critters great and small. RIP, Croc Hunter.
Look at him. There was a guy who loved what he did. Even the croc seems happy.