I am screaming and punching myself

That's love! Precancerously tan love!

The episode of Hogan Knows Best featuring this touching ode to l'amour has already aired, but J and I are still fascinated by this bit of poetry.

Seriously, we've been discussing it for weeks!

Ain't talkin' 'bout love -- oh, wait, I am

Woo hoo! My new friend Ashley at Radio Allegro has posted a new Valentine's Day podcast, "Love Is a Many-Splendored Thingamagig," in which Ashley, Gabriel from Modern Fabulousity, Nathaniel from The Film Experience and I dish about love, romance and pop culture. We cover the gamut from Bogey and Bacall to Flav and New York, stopping briefly at Brangelina, romantic dinners, celebrity crushes and "Trapped in the Closet." The podcast is also full of great music; we each got to select our favorite romantic song, and Ashley added lots of snippets to underscore our words. Give it a listen!

While the chat lasted about an hour and a half, it was, wisely, cut down to about half that length (minus the music), so a few topics that we discussed didn't make it to the final podcast. So I'll blather about them here. Oh, come on, there's a link to a fantastic cake recipe if you stick it out!

Maybe one is the safest, most sanitary number

My beloved single readers, tomorrow might be a tough day for you. You've had the whole Valentine's Day nuttiness thrust at you from all corners for the past couple of weeks. There's pink diggity everywhere you go; diamonds and flowers are being marketed especially aggressively; and good luck finding a table anywhere other than a Taco Bell tomorrow night. That is, of course, after you've watched even your most unappealing co-workers receive flowers or other goodies from their poor significant others. Yeah, tomorrow might be a little rough, especially if you're unhappy about your present unattached status.

But I'm here to help. These videos will remind you that sometimes, it's much better to be alone. It's also overwhelmingly less oily.

Your Miss VD 2007!

This week, I'm going to celebrate Valentine's Day the way a dog celebrates a brand new pile of poo: by rolling around in it until I stink of high-sucrose-content chocolate and perfume sample cards.

And what better way to honor a day that seems to bring the creepy gender-role stuff out of the woodwork than to declare a muse for this week, our own little goddess of love and beauty? Who could possibly exemplify the modern celebration of Valentine's Day better than the world-famous celebrity whom I hereby dub Miss VD 2007?

(Wait for it...)