Who could have imagined that a show that began with such a skanktacious bang would go out with -- well, nothing so melodious as a whimper; Rock of Love went out with something like the first cough of the morning from a four-pack-a-day smoker.
Hack, wheeze, horrrrrk.
Continue reading "Reunion: Don't threaten me with a -- oh, you're not" »
The most interesting part of this whole episode, to me, wasn't that Bret picked Jes as the "winner," 'cause we all knew that anyway. It's that he pronounces the name of his medical condition the same way Wilford Brimley does. And that condition -- the diabetes, not the Brimley resemblance -- comes into play and, we are led to believe, even influences Bret's choice of Temporary Ladyfriend Who Doesn't Actually Want to Touch Him.
I know, I know, how could she not have won?!
Continue reading "Finale: Open up and say .... "diabeetis"!" »
I've checked my referral stats, and just about everyone who's been to the site in the past couple months has come from Google, where they've searched for "rock of love winner." (To the person who searched for "how long does it take to come out of a medically induced coma" -- buddy, whatever you're planning and whomever you're planning it for, don't do it.) So now that it's down to the final two, I guess I can spill the beans. Bear in mind, this is just something I've read on the Web, which means there's no guarantee whatsoever to its veracity.
I'm just relieved that Mia, Sam and Brandi M. were released from the compound unharmed.
As with the Flavor of Love franchise, the nominal "prize" of a VH1 dating show may think he's the star, but he is soon eclipsed by the women vying for him. (Only New York was able to keep the focus on her during I Love New York, and I kind of have to respect her for that, a little, tiny, begrudging bit.) This week, a couple of contestants stood out, for rather different reasons. One for her inexplicable belief in the possibility of finding love with a middle-aged dude in eyeliner and extensions, the other for her continued commitment to weirdness (tm Rich).
Like you didn't know who I was talking about.
Continue reading "1-4: Your mama don't dance (or sing, or write good songs)" »
I've heard something recently that bummed me out to a surprising degree. An online buddy of mine tells me that the winner of Rock of Love was told by the producers in the first few days of filming that she was going to win, and advised to act nice so viewers would like her. Reading that made me feel like an all-day sucker, 'cause I'd already fallen for it.
I mean, come on, even Bret Michaels isn't allowed to pick his next three-week relationship?!
There's something weird about a competitive dating show. For one thing, as I've opined elsewhere, it's totally anathema to love itself. So the show becomes more about who can capture and hold the attention of the "prize" more than who would be a genuinely good fit with that person. And given the nature of competition, sooner or later, some folks will show a really nasty side... a side that would pawn their own grandmother for a meaningless victory, a side that considers the misery of others as a bonus rather than a drawback, a side that might or might not snack on the hearts of babies in the dark of night upon a sacrificial stone in a forest clearing--
Well, you see what I'm getting at: a side that ain't too pretty.
The second episode can determine so much about the tone of a reality TV season. It's when the themes really start to emerge, when individual personalities begin to assert themselves, when you get a feel for the kind of debasement that will be expected of the contestants.
Or the kind of debasement they'll volunteer for. That kind of thing.
Continue reading "1-2: A skank lodge divided against itself" »
Damn. I thought I knew from skank, having watched every single episode of the Flavor of Love franchise. When watching the Charm School reunion earlier this month, I thought Brooke was not only off-base but kinda racist when she said that white women "put themselves out there" more than African-American women. But now that I've seen the premiere of Rock of Love, you know what?
I think she might have been on to something.
Continue reading "1-1: Don't threaten me with nothing but a good time" »
I'm sorry to make all five of you wait for the recap of the jaw-dropping premiere of Rock of Love. Tragically, the people I work for are apparently quite serious about my helping them to meet the company's goals this week (I know, I know: the nerve!) so I'll be insanely busy for the next couple of days and probably won't be able to get you the recap until Thursday or Friday.
Speaking of extensions, though, I'd like to leave you with this trashtastic image of Bret and a couple of fans (neither of whom was on the show, I don't think). You know what the greatest thing about this picture is? He's wearing a t-shirt from his own tour. Always be closing, my friend. Always be closing.
Image cribbed from the magnificent DListed.
