Oh hell, hell no. Keith did not grope Miss USA! Well, of course he did. He's That Guy: a smarmy, leering, arrogant monument to sleaze. Look at that face. Doesn't it just say, "Ask me about Rohyphnol!"
And she didn't even punch him in response. Damn. It made me think of that moment in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, when Harmony said it was no big deal that Harry (accidentally) grabbed her breast and Harry just went off: "What do you -- what -- of course it's a big deal! It's not okay for a guy to just grab your boobs!" It was an oddly, touchingly feminist moment for Harry.
Speaking of which... Jeffrey was already skating on thin ice with me, what with the neck tattoo and the Unabomber hoodie and the whole too-cool-for-school-oh-just-get-the-hell-over-yourself schtick. But I actually hissed at the TV when he described Angela as a "feminazi." That word actively pisses me off, implying that there's some association between the desire for equality between the sexes and fucking genocide. Ugh. If Angela is being a scheming asshole who won't shut up (which she was), just call her that. You don't have to shit on the idea of gender equality along the way or imply that she's one step away from putting people on trains and harvesting their teeth and hair.
That said... that was a pretty good dress he designed. The model's walk was oddly slow and somewhat lacking in the "work it" category (unlike Kayne and Robert's model, who was delightfully flirty without being sleazy, Keith). But the dress itself commanded attention and would probably work beautifully on a red carpet. I'd like to see if Jeffrey can design something that's not deconstructed, though. After all, clean lines tend to work best when one is annexing the Sudetenland or bombing the crap out of London.
And, like I said, Angela was being an utter turd. I'm no fan of Vincent's (he's insane, period), but I wouldn't wish Angela on anybody. She has way too high an opinion of her design abilities for someone who doesn't even bring a damn sketch to show the client. Remember her audition tape? "How many designers living off the grid in O-high-o can produce dresses that are mistaken for an Yves Saint Laurent?" If you're so damn off the grid, why are you going onto a reality show? Shut your trap and learn how to sketch.
When she and Malan were the only ones left on the runway, I hoped the judges would decide who was eliminated based on how the contestants were dressed. "Hmmm... predictable but well-made suit or circus-zombie-goes-to-the-prom nightmare?" My cold, dark heart actually broke a little for Malan when he got eliminated. He actually spoke the words that every departing reality contestant who doesn't have a sociopathic ego must have thought: "I feel so ashamed right now." Poor thing. I still think the accent's fake, though.
Oh, Malan.
I just want him to become Karl Lagerfeld. But in a good way. Like without the creepy fingerless gloves, the hydroponically-farmed hair helmet, the spackled and shellacked and stretched skin, the weird jodphurs and the horsemeat diet.
But with the celebrity clientele, the big fashion house behind him, lots of adoring fans and all the Botox his sweet little heart desires.
And a really, really good family-systems therapist on speed dial to help him with that mommy stuff. And the daddy stuff. Which, sweet Jesus, is just written all over the poor thing's pretty face.
Posted by: Susanna | July 20, 2006 at 10:45 AM
Oh, the hair. Bless his heart. J gleefully pointed out that it looked *just the same* when he awoke as it did during the day. Almost Travolta-esque.
Posted by: Cath | July 20, 2006 at 10:49 AM
Thinking, though, perhaps the accent is not fake.
To wit, dude speaks, at minimum five languages. So when you're a polyglot you get accenty like that.
http://malanbreton.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Susanna | July 20, 2006 at 11:00 AM
You know, the whole Daniel/Chloe thing from last season left me feeling a bit off balance. Sort of like having a room of wine experts telling me Ripple Blanc is the new rage in Siena.
The travesty of aesthetics that went down last night, all in the name of ratings, just flat pissed me off. Ripple Blanc may be the rage in Ohio, but it's not selling for shit round here.
Gunn and Kors, RUN!
Posted by: Herm | July 20, 2006 at 01:40 PM
Who would you have picked for the win, Herm? (I'm genuinely curious, as I respect the hell out of your mad design skillz.)
Posted by: Cath | July 20, 2006 at 01:53 PM
I loved Malan! He looks like the product of a love tryst between Paul Henreid and Peter Lorre. What's not to love?
Butt ugly dress though....
Posted by: cindy | July 20, 2006 at 02:40 PM
Who would I have picked overall? Well... and I swear if you leak this to Bradshaw, Miller or McShaffry I'll hunt you down... I thought Kane's effort nailed the concept. Obviously he knows the subject matter, but I got the impression the muse did touch his orange brow and he delivered an inspired effort. The color choice was particularly good and suprised even the brilliant Ms. USA. No mean feat. So, I think they got the winner right.
I liked the work of Red and Michael. Razor sharp design with amazing craftsmanship, but they used white. If I was buying a gown for Susie, I would have picked that one.
Also liked Malan's piece. While it may have missed with the highly evolved tastes of our representative in the Ms. Who-Gives-A-Shit peagent I thought it revealed a depth of talent and grasp of design that could possibly eclipse even Red and Keith. I'll spare you the full-on Herm Trips Back to Design School speil and say I thought his elimination was grossly short-sighted.
That said, I'm out of here to go photograph intercoolers and other testosterone laden devices.
By the way, diggin' the blog. Nice work!
Posted by: Herm | July 20, 2006 at 02:59 PM
You see, the highly-esteemed Tim Gunn said the Malan gown looked like it was "carved out of a log."
And perhaps at that stage of its evolution it did. When it hit the runway it was a quasi-evolved couture-driven log... but not a turd! NOT A TURD!
After a total of 20 (?) hours' time allowed to work on it, he could've used another 20 hours. The guy is suited to do couture. One-of-a-kind, highly-crafted, extremely intricate garments that are very labor-intensive.
That thing would've been a beautifully carved log after 100 hours. Zowie!
Um, thanks, El Hermann for thinking of Red's & Michael's dress for me. It's the only one I could've worn. Though it was toying dangerously with ass-cleavage.
I also liked Uli's dress. Diaphanous, gorgeous. But can we buy girlfriend a bottle of shampoo (industrial degreaser?) and a hairbrush?
Posted by: Susanna | July 20, 2006 at 03:31 PM
I still say Keith is hot. He may be bitchy and smarmy and probably has a few STDs but he's hot so there's that.
But I agree with you that Neck Boy is horrid. What in the world does his neck say? I can only read "Detroit"
Posted by: Jenny | July 20, 2006 at 04:00 PM