First of all, I didn't even know y'all were bitches

Well, I did in the case of Neck-Boy. But damn, the claws came out this week! I'd tell Laura she isn't my July-August PR girlfriend anymore... if I weren't afraid she'd cut me.

With her sternum.

I can't tell whether Laura's viciousness is a response to the obvious hate Kayne and Robert have for her, or if they hate her as a response to the viciousness. (Of course, viciousness toward Jeffrey is both normal and natural, and does not need to be explained or rationalized.)

On the one hand, K & R were acting like a pair of nasty fifth-grade girls 'round the dinner table. ("Laura kissed me on the cheek." "Careful, you might get a rash." God, shouldn't you two be ... texting your MySpaces or whatever it is kids do?) On the other hand, "I question your taste, sweetheart, on just about everything" was pretty awful, and more than a little passive-aggressive to boot. Let's just say my opinion of all three of them has suffered.

Laura was right to wonder what the hell Kayne was thinking with that makeup and that dress. However, since I formulated my theory that this season is all about the "Reward the Crazy" philosophy, it made perfect sense to me. Beautiful, well-presented model with a freakshow of a dress = crappy. Model with bad hair, awful makeup and a freakshow of a dress = edgy, and therefore good.

We can even apply this to Vincent's staying on. Bad dress + bad hair + painfully slow walk = commitment to one's art, to the judges. Bad dress + bad hair + painfully slow walk + Vincent repeatedly saying that anything gets him off = pass the Scotch, to me. Seriously, what the fuck was that? What was that dress, what was that design and that "ornamentation," and why, in the name of all that is decent and good, did Vincent think we needed or wanted to know what he got off on?! Pass the damn Scotch.

Apparently, all it takes is for one element of the equation to be good, or at least interesting, for it to fail. Alison did her model no favors whatsoever in the hair department, but I thought her dress was pretty interesting, and certainly nowhere near as wretched as Vincent's. But bad hair/makeup + okay dress + insecurity on the runway = out you go!

I didn't even think it was that unflattering to the model -- certainly no more so than most of Jeffrey's crap or just about any baby-doll dress on anyone. Based on the commentary from Tim Gunn, though, Alison's challenge was to design for a "plus size model," which means a woman with a body as big as a size 8. This isn't the first time she's worked with this model (Alexandra?), but if you'll recall, Alison's Farrah Fawcett dress was also unflattering to the model's body and looked pretty thick in the waist.

One possible explanation for the problems Alison has working with her model's dimensions is that she's modeled a lot of her own stuff before. And Alison has a very petite figure. So in designing for runway models, she probably just took her own circumferences and stretched out the height. But Alexandra is not only taller than Alison, she's differently proportioned, and I'm not sure Alison took that into account. It's not just a matter of adjusting the fit; it's a matter of playing up different features. Thighs, no; calves, yes. Waist, not necessarily; boobs, most definitely. Trust me on this.

Of course, if Alison is guilty of tunnel-vision in designing for one body type, Laura is similarly guilty of designing for one style type. This picture kinda cracks me up because it's like a more tasteful version of Angela's Jubilee Jumbles creation. Just as Angela's poor model from the dog challenge looked like she was going the same place that Angela was, Camilla looks like she and Laura are headed to the same place, too. Of course, it's a much nicer place than Angela's, but still.

Amid my shifting of loyalties, there came an odd, almost uncomfortable moment this week: I truly liked something Neck-Boy designed. It doesn't surprise me that trash is his best medium, but I actually thought this dress was clever and attractive. I even felt a little bit bad for Jeffrey that he didn't win. But then he had to open his mouth and say that Michael's winning creating (go, Cap'n!) was "designed for diabetics." You know, Neck-Boy, sometimes in an aesthetic competition, the prettiest garment wins. So shut your mouth and climb back onto the slab, 'cause you're still dead to me.

Comments

[babysuri]

Neckboy = HATE

[Lorraine]

Excellent analysis. I'm still mourning the kicking of Allison. It always seems to me that the judges ought to take a designer's body of work into account before booting them for one bad(ish) dress. When you have Vincent and Robert standing in the "one of you will be auf'd" position nearly every week and Allison never having been there...just seemed wrong. (And of course, that comment is particularly ironic now in light of last night's episode).

And now I hate Neck Boy more than ever.

[Edward]

Tim Gunn spoke of the integrity of Project Runway. Where was that integrity? First, Jeffrey should have won over Michael. Nothing against Michael's dress but Jeffrey's was better. No last minute plastic stole. Then poor Allison. Losing to Vincent's trash? Allison had done some good pieces before while Vincent's are always bottom three. They kept Robert around once because they "believed in him." Why not Allison? Very questionable.