2-6: Just shoot me

This was a bittersweet episode for me. On the one hand, I'm actually sad to see the departing contestants go; I liked them all. On the other hand, now that I actively dislike everyone else on the show, I don't care who gets hurt anymore. And that's a pretty liberating feeling.

Honestly, as long as New York winds up miserable, unemployable and socially exiled, I'll be happy. That's not too much to ask, is it? Especially when she does so much of the work herself?

One thing that jumped out at me during the "Previously on Flavor of Love"s -- and I don't know how I didn't notice it before -- is that Bootz is a dead ringer for The Grinch.

It's uncanny, no? Makes watching her a bit easier to take.

The episode's beginning reprises the entrance of New York, and I'd just like to reiterate how very nonplussed the skanks were to see her:

And that was before she opened her mouth. Flav tells the skanks that New York will be helping out with the next elimination. New York, through her psychotic haze, converts the words "helping me with" into "completely in charge of" and decides that she has license to harrass and threaten the skanks.

Serious, from the previous season, had a perfect reading of New York:

One of New York's first targets is Bootz, who makes the mistake of referring to Flav as "my man." New York sputters a bit about that, saying that it's a little too early to make such a claim (never mind that New York was saying the same crap even earlier in Season 1, but then, consistency isn't exactly her strong suit). The skanks tolerate her for a little while, then retreat to their rooms.

Where the drama continues. Krazy, in a moment straight out of a bad health film from the '50s, is overcome by disgust -- see?

She's got the vapors! -- by the fact that Beatuful has a cold sore and that Flav stuck his tongue down Beatuful's esophagus at the last elimination. She tells the other skanks this...

...while Beatuful is right there.

I scrutinized Beatuful's face throughout the episode, and nowhere could I find a cold sore. She doesn't deny it, though, but she does question Krazy's overdone reaction. "You act like I've got AIDS or something!" she laughs. Oh, Beatuful. Don't try your logic or rational response on this crowd. Besides, something tells me that the other women in the room are no strangers to socially compromising infections.

On a happier note -- and in no way intended as an illustration of my earlier point -- Nibblez is wearing a bra, y'all! I actually cheered aloud upon seeing this. Keep up the good work, little camper!

Speaking of socially compromising infections, though:

A cold sore truly is the least of the epidemiological worries around this house.

New York greets the next morning by spending a couple hours making herself presentable, and it's just like old times:

That shot kinda reminds me of "Girl with a Pearl Earring," only Flavor-of-Love style. "Skank with a Newport," maybe. While New York's hogging the mirror, the skanks receive their Flav-O-Gram, instructing them to select a dress from a rack of low-rent prom-wear in the next room, get all dolled up and present themselves for New York's approval before going on to a photo shoot.

Not only are the skanks not thrilled at being judged by New York over anything, they question her standards in the presentation department. "New York looks like a Hollywood hooker!" my sweet Buckwild declares, and she's absolutely right. It made me think of that mid-80s cheeseball classic Angel.

Buckwild does her best to steer clear of New York's irrational ire, as do most of the skanks, but Bootz gets yelled at for tardiness and for having the gall to demand an apology from New York for yelling at her. "I don't apologize, because I don't make mistakes," New York tells the camera.

No, princess, there's absolutely nothing you should reconsider about the choices you've made.

One thing New York does get right (hey, even a batshit-crazy broken clock is right twice a day) is that Nibblez needs a bra:

What Nibblez does not need, however, is for Flav to tell her in the van on the way to the photo shoot that since she's an Internet stripper, he doesn't know how he'd integrate her into his family, since he's got kids and all. Oh, sweet crapping catfish. That sentence is so loaded with hypocrisy, I'm amazed it doesn't self-destruct. For one thing, Flav himself is easily the biggest sleazy skank on this show; for another, I'm not sure he could identify his kids at 20 paces. He only pays child support under duress, but he wants to protect these kids of his from the horrors of a woman with a pole in her living room? Still dead to me, that Flav.

It's quite clear to Nibblez that she won't last out the episode, so I have to give her major props for stating with simple dignity that she is who she is and leaving it at that. You really grew on me, girl. Better things are bound to come your way.

The photo shoot is the standard festival of ho-tastic posing we've come to expect. Equally predictable is New York stirring the shit with everyone she can. She bugs Buckwild about her accent, saying that she sounds ignorant. Buckwild does her best to deflect New York's various accusations and mostly succeeds. Flav wanders over and asks what's up; when Buckwild tells him about New York's assertion that she sounds uneducated, New York denies this. "I said you sounded ignorant!" "They're the same thing," Buckwild points out. Faced with empirical evidence that she was wrong, New York storms out like a 5-year-old, necessitating an equally pathetic run-after-her-and-smooth-her-feathers response from Flav. God. These two totally deserve each other. And I mean that in a murder-suicide kind of way.

New York continues to pick fights, including one with Krazy that I can't understand. Honestly, I'm not really sure why most of the fights on this show start or what they're about. It's like watching a hockey game with clothing from DEB.

What's great about this is how Bootz automatically jumps on the table and sticks her ass in the air. It's like a reflex for her or something. Maybe her ass has OCD.

Another great Bootz moment: when an interviewer (who must surely be proud of his career trajectory) asks the skanks who the biggest bitch in the house is, who does everyone point to?

(That said, Bootz apologized to New York before the skanks went to the photo shoot. 'Cause even a Grinchy bitch knows not to poke the crazy too much.)

Back at the house, more pointless drama ensues. Yet again, for reasons I don't understand, Krazy and Deelishis are yelling at each other. What makes it sad is that we're treated to a flashback of happier times between them. Damn. From this:

to this:

over this:

That expression is Flav's response to Krazy telling him about Beatuful's cold sore. Of course, we soon find out why Krazy would be so nervous about anything communicable in the house:

The horror-movie music is most apt, and accompanies my screams nicely. What's strange is that Krazy told Deelishis about the no-pants hot-tub event, and then Deelishis told Flav that Krazy told her and -- it's like some skanked-up version of the old telephone game, only everybody's yelling and storming off and a middle-aged homunculus with gold fronts is getting way too much action and enjoyment out of it all.

Are you surprised that New York sleeps in fake diamonds? 'Cause I'm not. What I am surprised by, though, is this:

Whummahumma! Did Krazy get attacked by a pack of deranged Mary Kay representatives on her way to the elimination ceremony?

The ceremony itself is lacking in surprises -- at first, anyway. Beatuful is eliminated, ostensibly because she never said a word to Flav, but he lets the camera know that he was bothered by the cold sore. (That sound you hear is my eyes rolling.) Nibblez is, of course, let go. Now, this could be her real name, but I'm not sure:

Everybody else gets a clock, but wait ---

Remember that distinguished gentleman in the middle? We haven't seen enough of him this season; more Big Rick would go a long way toward countering the vile turn this season is taking. Anyway, Big Rick pulls out a box containing... New York's clock.

My thoughts exactly, Deelishis. Buckwild has an even stronger reaction; she marches up to Flav and gives her clock back. Awesome!! She tells the camera that she just got out of jail (for assault!) and had to pay $30,000 in bail to get right with the courts and she can't risk a second assault charge that would surely result from being housed with someone who so deserves a beatdown.

She explains all this hurriedly to Flav and her accent totally vanishes. Flav comments on its absence, but Buckwild is past the point of caring, so anxious is she to flee the lunatic asylum the Flav mansion is sure to become.

I know, girl, I know. I want to remember you just like that. Like I said, now that Buckwild, Nibblez and Beatuful are gone, I don't really care about the emotional well-being of anyone in that house, as demonstrated by this Loathsomeness Meter:

So what can we expect from the next few episodes? It's gonna get bad.

No, really, it's gonna get bad.

No, I don't think you understand:

Three words, y'all: New York's Moms. Three more: pass the scotch.

Comments

[Lorraine]

I don't watch this show and I'm ok with that but I must say your recap was plenty entertaining. All the fun and none of the nausea...sounds like a deal.

[Susanna]

Sweet crapping catfish? Can I use that?

Hee!

[Cindy]

Sweet crapping catfish.....?! Oh lord, Carl, that's peerless. Again, thanks for watching for me. I could not do it without you.

[Cheesemeister]

Bootz is The Grinch's psychotic sister (or the Grinch himself in drag.) This explains a lot!
The Skank-O-Meter is a perfect resource.
And yes, Flav and New York deserve each other, even more than Flav and Bootz. I still feel sorry for New York because her bitch of a mother is even more heinous than New York herself. But let's face it, New York is a psycho from hell!

[Valerie]

I enjoy your commentaries. You're funny.

[MYANGLE]

GURL THAT IZ THE BUSNESS OF THAT SHIT WIT FLAVOR OF FLAV SEASON 2

[nichole]

to tell you the truth i HATE NEW YORK and i dont care if the world knows it or not bitch come see me because you look a monkey and you act like you belong on the strip in syracuseNY yeah where the crack head dope fien hookers be at yeah you already know

[Danielle Perry]

this is a mess

[Catherine Cantieri]

Special note to Justin from Greensboro, NC: It's illegal to threaten someone with violence. Threats against bloggers aren't protected speech. You might not know that, but the police do.

[Demetrius Stringer]

Dear New York what was you thinking When to though Tango was your man if you had any since you should chose chance in the first place but you learn by your mistakes

Sincerly
Demetrius Stringer

[annaa]

ur funniiiiiiiii
but u also sound like a hata. but i give u ya props aiight

[shay]

new york is a stupid bitch she know flav lift her once he goin leave her dumb ass again cause deelishis looks 4x better than new york tired weev wearing ass and thats why she ain't got no man i am younger than she is and i got a man

[Renney]

Girl that you aint lieing about NewYork she get on my nerves. But she never backs down from a fight. did you she the way she was about to take on all them girls. that would of been the biggest fightr i've ever seen, well on tv at least. Bootz I believe homegirl could beat NewYork down with her different Color Weave. Bootz would of been pullin newyorks weave not hair weave. Bootz do look like the Grich in this picture,LoL,HA,Ha,Ha.

[Christina]

Ok first of all newyork you dont look like fabulous with that ugly weave. I'm Pisted that bootz didnt get yo ass

[Niajha]

what do you mean new york doesn't back down from a fight? have you noticed she is all talk ? do you know ANYONE that would be spit on and then just let the person walk away. All she did was pretend to push her cause at first you could see all of the crew backing away. It wasn't until after they detained pumpkin that she "pretended " to go after her. That bitch is alllll talk.

[nissa]

i think that Black should of won, nobody likes thing 2, what the hell was he thinking when he made that name.

[nissa]

i love u bootz

[andrea estes]

i like new york if she was my sister i would want her yo fight for me each day and she would make a great sister

[Ceci]

OMG! this shit is sooo funny, especially the Grinch comparison w/ Boots LOL!!