... And Assy All Over

Okay, you need a dress for a cocktail party with a black-and-white theme. You're young, fabulous and svelte (you are, in other words, not me). You are not a prostitute. Which dress do you choose? Which do you consider fondly? And which provokes you to punch the designer?

What the damn diggety is up with the competitive reality shows this week? First, Flavor of Love puts New York's psychotic ass back in the running, and now, just when we were all looking forward to a week without the twitchy neuroses of Vincent and Angela, they're back, too. I can't tell who that's crueler to: Vincent and Angela, for having an opportunity they're bound to screw up dangled in front of their faces; the other designers, for having to deal with Vincent and Angela again; or the viewing audience, for having to watch Vincent and Angela and watch the other designers deal with them. Really, nobody wins. The only mitigating factor is that it angers and disturbs Neck-Boy.

I do have to wonder what we didn't see of Angela's behavior in previous episodes that caused everyone to respond to her return with such strained silence. Even Michael's smile was pained. And did Laura really need to tell her that since her win was a team win, she didn't really deserve to be back? Ouch.

That said, their designs proved that neither Vincent nor Angela deserved to be back. The minute Angela said "Edwardian" when describing her design, I knew she was toast. The only reason to wear anything Edwardian to a cocktail party is if that party is taking place in 1895. Vincent's poor model was dragged under a bus, necessitating a last-minute model swap, but even if the dress had fit the model, it would still be unimpressive. We're all better off with them auf'ed.

And, I have to say, Kayne's design proves that he doesn't have the level of taste or sophistication to be "the next great American designer." The dress was simple (even a little boring) from the front, but Lord, the back; it looked like a dreamcatcher made by a 12-year-old girl. The only piece of white he uses, and it's a ribbon? Oy.

But even Kayne's outfit was better than this. Neck-Boy says this outfit was inspired by the last few cocktail parties he's attended. Have those parties all taken place in brothels? Or perhaps on the set of the video for "Love Is a Battlefield"? It's starting to disturb me that he keeps referring to his aesthetic as "rock & roll" while turning out hooker-wear. I guess in his murky, single-celled brain, "rock & roll" plus "woman" doesn't equal "musician," it equals "groupie." Desperate groupie, at that. Even Cap'n Save-a-Ho would hesitate before attempting a rescue of someone in this outfit.

I would've been fine with either Laura or Michael winning. I was glad to see Laura finally rack up a victory; her lack of a challenge win seemed to bother her, which might have fueled some of her snipe at Angela. And the dress was gorgeous. What was even more gorgeous, though? This runway exchange: "Congratulations." "Thank you, honey." Aww!

Somebody wake me when Uli designs something that's not a floaty, beachy, hippie dress. I think it's interesting that her best, most inspiring design, to my mind, was for a short, plus-size woman in her 50s, while her endless parade of flowing anti-bra dresses on willowy bodies just puts me to sleep.

So this is our final four. Laura, Michael, Uli and Neck-Boy. All of them will be developing shows for Fashion Week (the one who doesn't make it to the final 3 does a "decoy" line). I can already imagine what Uli's will look like; I have a pretty good idea what Laura will do; I shudder to think what atrocities Neck-Boy will march down the runway; and I simply cannot wait to see what Michael dreams up.

Oh, you know he's not actually gonna choke next week.

Comments

[Lorraine]

"Love is a Battlefield"....lol... I ADORED Laura's dress this week and was soooo happy that she won.

I still hate Neck Boy. I will always hate him.

[Cheesemeister]

So anti-fashion am I that I couldn't even tell you what time this show is on.
I would either wear the solid black dress that is third from the left of the white one that is third from the right, although the black is my first choice because it makes one look slimmer and, Honey, I definitely could do with looking slimmer!