Four on the floor

I was relieved that nobody got cut in this semi-final episode. Given a choice between Michael and Neck-Boy, I was worried that the judges would pick the drama dingus rather than the usually-dependable achiever who made a misstep. Although, frankly, everybody choked a bit. What is it with the penultimate challenge that brings out the timidity in some, the desperation in others and the inspiration in damn near nobody?

I mean, woo hoo, Uli made a short anti-bra dress with a print. And that was enough to win the damn challenge! Yeah, it was pretty, but it didn't stray too far from the traditional Uli silhouette and it remained firmly in the realm of "party dress with a beachy feel." I'm sure I'd have liked it more had I not watched the previous 10 episodes.

Jason did point out how she worked a lot of magic with the fabric, shaping it so it looked more like a graphic than a print. And I do have to give her props: Uli can work a print like it's a smoked neckbone.

Also staying well within her comfort zone was Laura. Sweet monochrome miasma, would it kill her to use a color?! Something bright, something deep, something that isn't a neutral? Apparently, it would. Now, I totally can't fault Laura on her production. Look at that neckline, folks. Yeah, it's way too deep for a bra (and I have deducted the appropriate points), but it's got that scalloped detail and it fits her model Camille perfectly.

While we're on the subject, how god-like is Camille's physique? I swear, I saw muscles on her sternum. She and Nazri are the total standouts of this season's models. And did anybody else catch the open-mouthed grimace of disgust that Kayne's former model Amanda sported when Michael didn't pick her? That was a moment of such immaturity and general dingrod-ishness that it belonged on ANTM.

Sweet Lord, what the hell happened to Michael? Even the words he picked to modify his run-of-the-mill-yet-hoochie-fied dress were lame. "Sultry, Sexiness, Sensuality"? Dude, that's like me picking "Surly, Cranky, Grouchy." It's not only repetitive, it's kind of a given.

Also, there's sultry and sexy, and then there's skanky and sleazy, and I think Michael's dress went too far into the minefield of skank territory. I could see Hottie from Flavor of Love wearing this dress (two sizes too small, of course, and spilling alarmingly out of it), and that's a sign that something is horribly, horribly wrong. Besides, Narciso Rodriguez and Azzedine Alaia have done the strappy thing, and if your only innovation to their styling is to add a humungous keyhole neckline? Again, not a good sign.

But it was still better sign than Neck-Boy's tribute to Cosette. I guess it's "romantic" to hearken back to the French Revolution, but damn, that was an unfortunate dress. The skirt looks like a pantaloon -- not a pair of pantaloons, but a single-leg, double-wide pantaloon. Even without the gathering at the bottom of the hem, it would look like a costume. Liberte, Fraternite, Crapite.

I wasn't surprised that Neck-Boy chose "Romantic" as one of his words and described himself as a romantic. The only dudes who have ever said "I'm a romantic," in my observation, are unmitigated assholes. In fact, if anybody ever tells you that they're sensitive, romantic, classy, misunderstood or undiscovered, run. (Maybe hit them with a rock to immobilize them first, but get the hell outta there.) I figured it was just a matter of time before Neck-Boy began trying to show us his softer side, and the video message from Neck-Boy Jr. played into that. Mind you, I'm sure he loves his son. It's the rest of the world he has nothing but contempt for.

And speaking of contempt, next week sees the return of Keith! I wonder if he's learned anything from his experience of being kicked off the show? (No.)

Comments

[Lorraine]

As always, well done. The whole baby on the phone thing...whatever...just like that poor little pumpkin who was forced to hang on Santino last season...blech. Still hate him. Still wish he would have been auf'd. Lord have mercy that was an ugly dress.

[Edward]

I've agreed with most of your assessments of the weekly episodes of Project Runway. We now have four designers left. Uli and Laura are totally one-note. When did boney sternums become sexy? I'm Italian and like womane with . . . Never mind, I digress. Then there's Neck Boy with his crap. The only designer of the group is Michael and he folds under pressure. Sad lot. And, by the way, I am a romantic and sensitive.