I am screaming and punching myself: Her? (Golden Globes edition)

The Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning, and some of the nominees (and non-nominees) are real head-scratchers for me. I was a little surprised to read that Eastwood was nominated for best director twice, that Apocalypto was nominated for "foreign language picture" (does it count as a foreign language if nobody speaks it anymore -- and why are we rewarding Mel Gibson again?), and that Evangeline Lilly, Renee Zellweger and Beyonce were nominated for anything.

BEST MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA:
BABEL
BOBBY
THE DEPARTED
LITTLE CHILDREN
THE QUEEN

Wow. You know how many of those I've seen? Two (The Departed and The Queen -- both on the New York trip, oddly). Clearly, I need to get my ass into the theater, but ... I dunno. I just can't get too excited about Bobby. Maybe if it were about Bobby Brown instead of Bobby Kennedy...

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA:
PENELOPE CRUZ — VOLVER
JUDI DENCH — NOTES ON A SCANDAL
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL — SHERRYBABY
HELEN MIRREN — THE QUEEN
KATE WINSLET — LITTLE CHILDREN

Okay, this is just sad. I've only seen one of these performances. In fairness, I live in the hinterlands (southeastern Virginia), so three of these five films haven't even played here. Still, I think Mirren is almost a lock for this one. Which is cool, 'cause I think she's fantastic.

Fun fact: Mirren is nominated for Globes for playing both Queen Elizabeths (she played QE1 in an HBO miniseries; I managed to turn it on at the very moment a dude got his hand chiseled off as a public punishment and quickly changed the channel). She's also nominated for her final performance as Jane Tennison in Prime Suspect, which pits her against herself in the miniseries category. How awesome it must be to be Helen Mirren.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA:
LEONARDO DICAPRIO — BLOOD DIAMOND
LEONARDO DICAPRIO — THE DEPARTED
PETER O'TOOLE — VENUS
WILL SMITH — THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
FOREST WHITAKER — THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND

Dude! Two-fer for Leo! Having seen both of DiCaprio's nominated performances, I think the double nomination is deserved. That said, I'm pretty sure Forest Whitaker will get the statuette. He's got a solid body of work, plus he's playing a historical icon who's also a psychotic mass murderer; it's tough to beat that.

BEST MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
BORAT
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
DREAMGIRLS
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING

I've actually been putting off seeing Borat; I'm not a big fan of squirming, and from what I hear, this film is Squirm Central. But I've also heard that it's one of the funniest damn things ever made, so I'll probably see it in the next week or two. I also plan to rent The Devil Wears Prada and Thank You For Smoking, two films I meant to catch in theaters but never got around to.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
ANNETTE BENING — RUNNING WITH SCISSORS
TONI COLLETTE — LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
BEYONCE KNOWLES — DREAMGIRLS
MERYL STREEP — THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
RENEE ZELLWEGER — MISS POTTER

Bdaycd And here's where I start making the Scooby-Doo "Ruh?" noise. I guess most of y'all saw it coming, but I've spent the morning saying to myself, "Beyonce? Beyonce? Beyonce?" like New York in that great Season 1 clip. I liked her a great deal in the third Austin Powers movie, but that doesn't mean she's in Toni Collette territory. In the past few years, my take on Beyonce has gone from "the gold standard of pop stars" to "possible homicidal cyborg with dead eyes." And I truly hope these pictures are an unfortunate trick of the light rather than an indication of surgery gone awry. That's no way to kick off the awards season.

Someone in the chat session Nathaniel had on his blog this morning pointed out that it's traditional to nominate the female lead in the year's big musical, so I guess that explains it. Still... (Part of the problem I have with this nomination might be that I'm just not a fan of the genre. I just don't feel musicals.) And what the hell is Renee Zellweger doing in there? I didn't know she even had a movie out this year! Is her name just automatically included in the Golden Globes nomination template now?

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
SACHA BARON COHEN — BORAT
JOHNNY DEPP — PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
AARON ECKHART — THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
CHIWETEL EJIOFOR — KINKY BOOTS
WILL FERRELL — STRANGER THAN FICTION

Don't get me wrong; I was glad Depp was nominated for the first Pirates movie 3 years ago. But he was totally phoning it in for the second installment. And I can't say as I blame him; that script was reprehensible. I'm glad to see Ejiofor getting some attention, but I don't think he has a shot with this film. I think Cohen can safely start preparing his speech now.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
CARS
HAPPY FEET
MONSTER HOUSE

I haven't seen any of these, but now I'm sure to have a certain Gary Numan tune going through my head for the rest of the day...

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
APOCALYPTO (USA)
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA (USA/JAPAN)
THE LIVES OF OTHERS (GERMANY)
PAN'S LABYRINTH (MEXICO)
VOLVER (SPAIN)

I understand Ken Wantanabe is fantastic in Letters from Iwo Jima, but I'm still not too enthused about seeing it. I'm quite intrigued by Pan's Labyrinth and Volver, though, mostly due to Nathaniel's fondness for both of them.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
ADRIANA BARRAZA — BABEL
CATE BLANCHETT — NOTES ON A SCANDAL
EMILY BLUNT — THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
JENNIFER HUDSON — DREAMGIRLS
RINKO KIKUCHI — BABEL

Okay, so now my to-see list is as follows: Babel, Borat, Dreamgirls, Little Children, Notes on a Scandal, Pan's Labyrinth, Stranger Than Fiction, Thank You For Smoking, The Devil Wears Prada, Volver ... Jason, if you're reading this, tell the cats Mommy loves them and will see them some time in February.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
BEN AFFLECK — HOLLYWOODLAND
EDDIE MURPHY — DREAMGIRLS
JACK NICHOLSON — THE DEPARTED
BRAD PITT — BABEL
MARK WAHLBERG — THE DEPARTED

I'm a little torn here. On the one hand, I think Eddie Murphy is incredibly talented and hasn't gotten anywhere near the recognition he deserves. On the other hand, I thought Affleck and Wahlberg were great and I haven't seen Murphy's performance yet. (Don't get me started on Nicholson. Just... don't.) Maybe I can make a choice after the viewing marathon I've outlined above.

BEST DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE
CLINT EASTWOOD — FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
CLINT EASTWOOD — LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
STEPHEN FREARS — THE QUEEN
ALEJANDRO GONZALEZ INARRITU — BABEL
MARTIN SCORSESE — THE DEPARTED

I don't really have a dog in this fight. I guess if I had to pick a favorite, based on what I've seen so far, it would be Frears for the way he folded news footage into the drama of The Queen. The Departed seemed to be classic Scorcese, which is certainly high-quality stuff, but nothing really struck me as innovative. I don't know what to do about that Eastwood double-nod.

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
24 (FOX)
BIG LOVE (HBO)
GREY'S ANATOMY (ABC)
HEROES (NBC)
LOST (ABC)

Dacagrumpy20old20man_1 Again, my lack of exposure to certain apparent cornerstones of modern pop culture is showing. The only one of these shows I watch regularly is Heroes (which I love). I've never seen a single episode of Grey's Anatomy, Big Love or 24, and frankly, I'm not terribly interested in seeing any of them. And Lost just wore out my last nerve this season. I am truly the grumpy old guy yelling at you damn kids to quit swinging at his mailbox with the baseball bat.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
PATRICIA ARQUETTE — MEDIUM
EDIE FALCO — THE SOPRANOS
EVANGELINE LILLY — LOST
ELLEN POMPEO — GREY'S ANATOMY
KYRA SEDGWICK — THE CLOSER

I think it was the inclusion of Evangeline Lilly in this list that finally pushed me over the edge into "What the fuck??!" territory. I'd like to bring the HFPA's attention to a little show called Battlestar Galactica. Every week, just about every actress on there (with one or two exceptions) turns in a performance five times better than Lilly's work on Lost. I'm constantly frustrated by the lack of promotion and support the Sci-Fi network puts in to BSG, despite the critical praise it gets on a regular basis, but it would be nice to see it get some awards. May I suggest Mary McDonnell, Katee Sackhoff or Tricia Helfer instead?

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
PATRICK DEMPSEY — GREY'S ANATOMY
MICHAEL C. HALL — DEXTER
HUGH LAURIE — HOUSE
BILL PAXTON — BIG LOVE
KIEFER SUTHERLAND — 24

Laurie does some great work, but House as a show is losing me. It finally occurred to me last week that it might actually be an attempt to dramatize the Sartrean philosophy "Hell is other people." And if so? It's working.

BEST TELEVISION SERIES - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (ABC)
ENTOURAGE (HBO)
THE OFFICE (NBC)
UGLY BETTY (ABC)
WEEDS (SHOWTIME)

Footballerswives_1 I have a bizarre, contrary response to the spectacle made over Desperate Housewives. Whenever I see an ad for it or see one or more of its stars on a magazine cover, it's all I can do to keep from yelling aloud, "You can't make me watch your damn show! I refuse!" That said, I've been meaning to check out Footballers Wive$ on DVD. Because other nations' skank is fascinating.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES -COMEDY OR MUSICAL
MARCIA CROSS — DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
AMERICA FERRERA — UGLY BETTY
FELICITY HUFFMAN — DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS — THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE
MARY-LOUISE PARKER — WEEDS

*cough*Haven't seen any of these shows*cough*

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
ALEC BALDWIN — 30 ROCK
ZACH BRAFF — SCRUBS
STEVE CARELL — THE OFFICE
JASON LEE — MY NAME IS EARL
TONY SHALHOUB — MONK

It's a tough call for me between Jason Lee and Steve Carell. On the one hand, I love the subtlety Carell brings to Michael on The Office. On the other hand, Lee's characterization of Earl is not only funny but incredibly generous (not unlike Earl himself) as Lee clearly recognizes and respects the comedic genius that is Jaime Pressly as Joy. I'm still amazed that she hasn't won an Emmy for that yet.

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
BLEAK HOUSE (PBS)
BROKEN TRAIL (AMC)
ELIZABETH I (HBO)
MRS. HARRIS (HBO)
PRIME SUSPECT: THE FINAL ACT (PBS)

Damn. I didn't know AMC even made miniseries. (I also didn't think Mrs. Harris was eligible this year; didn't come out, like, 14 months ago?)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
GILLIAN ANDERSON — BLEAK HOUSE
ANNETTE BENING — MRS. HARRIS
HELEN MIRREN — ELIZABETH I
HELEN MIRREN — PRIME SUSPECT: THE FINAL ACT
SOPHIE OKONEDO — TSUNAMI, THE AFTERMATH

What a fantastic group of actors! I haven't seen Bleak House or Tsunami, but apparently Gillian Anderson turns it out with repressed period characters, and I loved Sophie Okonedo in Hotel Rwanda. I'll be interested to see if Mirren splits her own vote.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
ANDRE BRAUGHER — THIEF
ROBERT DUVALL — BROKEN TRAIL
MICHAEL EALY — SLEEPER CELL: AMERICAN TERROR
CHIWETEL EJIOFOR — TSUNAMI, THE AFTERMATH
BEN KINGSLEY — MRS. HARRIS
BILL NIGHY — GIDEON'S DAUGHTER
MATTHEW PERRY — THE RON CLARK STORY

I'll back Andre Braugher for anything. Also: Did anyone else briefly wonder when Matthew Perry was in a movie about the "tater salad" guy?

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
EMILY BLUNT — GIDEON'S DAUGHTER
TONI COLLETTE — TSUNAMI, THE AFTERMATH
KATHERINE HEIGL — GREY'S ANATOMY
SARAH PAULSON — STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP
ELIZABETH PERKINS — WEEDS

Interesting: Mirren isn't the only actor nominated for work on the large and small screen. I see Ejiofor was nominated for Tsunami, as was Collette, and Blunt got a cross-platform nomination too.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
THOMAS HADEN CHURCH — BROKEN TRAIL
JEREMY IRONS — ELIZABETH I
JUSTIN KIRK — WEEDS
MASI OKA — HEROES
JEREMY PIVEN — ENTOURAGE

This is a tough one. I adore Oka in Heroes, but I've also admired the work of all his competitors in previous shows and films. Maybe it's just as well that I have no influence in these things, as I wouldn't know how to pick a best in some of these categories.

And so it begins. I'm not as big of an awards enthusiast as some friends of mine (hi, Brad!), so I won't get too obsessed with the Globes. I'll just do what I can to catch up on films I missed over the next few weeks, pausing occasionally to mutter, "Really? Beyonce?"

"Her?"