This post isn't about the film and TV honors given out last night; it's not about handicapping Oscar season; it's not even about the Golden Globes broadcast itself ('cause I forgot to watch). It's about how the people who attended looked in the photos I snagged from Yahoo this morning (photos provided to Yahoo by NBC and/or Steve Granitz/WireImage.com).
For instance, Helen Mirren looked glorious, from the incredible color (everyone should wear peacock blue every chance they get) to the jewelry to that great "it's in the bag, bitches" gleam in her eye.
Once again, Mirren proves that it's damn good to be the queen. She won Globes for playing *both* HRH Elizabeths.
Globes in stereo and a smooch from Terence Howard: screw the monarchy, it's good to be Helen Mirren.
It was also very good to be Eddie Murphy, not only because he won a much-deserved Globe but because he and his date looked stunning.
Here's how to dress for the Globes if you're a guy: work the textures if you're going for a monochromatic look like Murphy; wear a well-cut suit that fits your body like Forest Whitaker; or just be Djimon Hounsou and look amazing wherever you go.
And here's how to dress for the Globes if you're female. Jennifer Hudson's dress shows off her curves while making her look tall as hell; America Ferrara's dress is the perfect color for her olive skin; and Abigail Breslin looks elegant without looking like a dressed-up doll (or like a pageant queen). Kudos all around, ladies.
On the flip side, here's how *not* to dress for the Globes if you're female. Cameron Diaz looks like a cake topper; bi-level hems are always a mistake and always call to mind the blonde in the "Superfreak" video; and even Rinko Kikuhi looks disgruntled at her own ridiculous dress. (That's just Bjorkian, right there.)
These outfits aren't quite so bad, but I just have no idea what they're going for here. Does Jeremy Irons realize that his shirt-and-jacket combo makes him look like Johnny Longtorso? Is Ellen Pompeo trying to recall the dress from the end credits of the first Austin Powers? ("And now I come through the birth canal...") And when I look at Katherine Heigl's dress and others like it, all I can think is, "How the crap do you sit in that thing?!" I just don't get it.
I'm also not real clear on why these beautiful women chose these dresses. In general, "sternum" is not a good look, even on Ali Larter and Beyonce. And Reese Witherspoon just looks so aggressively ordinary in her Tweety-yellow dress and straight hair. (I do want to elope with her shoes, though.)
While we're in the "eh?" vein, I'm at a loss for why (1) Jason Lee elected to show up with Earl hair (2) his lovely wife elected to wear a dress that says, essentially, "these are my boobs, and my bathing suit area is right this way." In fairness, though, this isn't technically part of Mrs. Earl's job, so she gets a pass for her dress. (I suspect Maude Lebowski would love it.) But Jason, dude, comb it in the limo, for God's sake.
Let's look at some of the other celebrity couples here...
Yup. Still pretty. Moving on.
Whaddaya know; it's Goofus and Gallant Arquette.
It's as if she's drawing the life out of his undead body or something. Marc Anthony looks as zombified as ever, but J-Lo looks glorious!
Now for the coveted From-The-Neck-Down Award. Ladies and gentlemen, Sienna Miller!
From the neck down... she looks fantastic. From the neck up? Whummahumma! She appears to be attempting a "mussed Heidi" look, a hairstyle that has never been attempted on the red carpet before, and for damn good reason. Plus, her face looks squinty, baggy-eyed and sort of ... boiled. Perhaps this is the famed "scalded puppy" that so many running things have been compared to.
And just a few random notes:
This is how I always think of Meryl Streep, and why I love her. The glasses, the elegance that quickly gave way to comfort, the speech with stuff crossed out, the obvious affection for the audience. Back at'cha, my dear.
Josh Holloway always looks like a riverboat gambler, doesn't he? I guess it's just the way his face works.
At first, I thought Bill Nighy's glasses were on crooked. Then I realized that actually, his eyes were on crooked.
And let me close with this picture. Here's the thing: I have no idea who Vanessa Minillo is or what she does for a living. (I know she dates Nick Lachey, but that's not a paying gig, or else Jessica Simpson would have fought harder to keep it.) I think she does something for MTV or...hell, I don't know. All I can say is that this is one of the most gorgeous dresses I've seen in recent red-carpet history, and it's a perfect choice for her. So, well-played, whoever you are, and a big Mehir-like kiss to all y'all out there.
I think I love you.
Posted by: stinkylulu | January 19, 2007 at 11:57 AM