I'm not going to promise you anything, but I think I might start blogging about Top Design on Bravo. I'm still filled with hate and bile after the deplorable depravity that was Season 2 of Top Chef, so I hope this show is a vast improvement, if only to lessen the bad taste in my mouth from Everybody Hates Marcel, as I came to call it.
Already there's abrasive, unpleasant and flat-out obnoxious personalities in the competition (see photo), but as long as nobody is assaulted, I'm fine with that.
I do get a little nervous that the promos themselves are promising "wall-to-wall drama." Like I said in my Top Chef rant, I don't want drama so much as I want beauty, art, innovation and creativity. But that might be too much to ask from reality TV.
One thing that Top Design has that Top Chef didn't have (and, I think, suffered greatly for want of) is a knowledgeable, helpful person in the role of non-judge mentor. That said, Todd Oldham is no Tim Gunn. I mean, Oldham is certainly a great designer; he uses color and pattern in a way that is both nostalgic and modern, and I totally respect that, even if it's not my personal thing. And he comes across as the nicest, most supportive dude in the world, the cheerleader everyone wants in their corner.
But I'm not sure that's what the design contestants need. Oldham was incredibly complimentary to them in the first episode, and I think perhaps some thoughtful critiques might have done more good. Maybe he'll get better at the constructive criticism as the show goes on, though. And maybe he'll put a little less Romper Room enthusiasm into his voice and ease up on the bronzer.
The first challenge was simple, yet daunting: in 2-person teams, the designers were to decorate an inner sanctum for an unknown celebrity client. All they had to go on were five items provided by the client. It's a pretty cool challenge, really: trying to understand someone and meet their needs and hopes based on the scantest of evidence.
You could tell which teams would excel and which would falter based on their initial interactions. One team used each other's energy to get more creative; several others merely reinforced each other's ideas until only the safest possible design could emerge; on one team, a not-terribly-creative member took over and the other member let that happen; and the sixth team ... had Michael.
After the Marcel business on Top Chef, I'm wary of forming a judgment of someone based on their first episode, but even with that self-monitoring in place, Michael makes my lip curl. I can't decide if he's a freak or merely clueless. Maybe a bit of both. He strikes me as someone who was homeschooled for his own protection.
The thing that killed me about Michael is: bitch doesn't paint. Who the hell doesn't paint?! Everybody paints -- especially everybody who works in decoration and design. I feel like Tom Hanks bellowing about the absence of crying in baseball here, but everybody freaking paints! Michael's teammate, John, isn't the most easygoing guy in the world, either, so I like to imagine his pre-judging prayer being reminiscent of Sapphyri's prayer from Season 2 of Flavor of Love.
Meanwhile, Lisa and Heather's team is off to a bad start as well, as Lisa takes the reins (and Heather lets her) and leads their surrey on a jaunt through Mediocre Town. It seems that Lisa associates "inner sanctum" with "peace and tranquility" and that automatically means "Asian stuff" and that, in turn, means "something straight out of the Jade Garden Buffet in historic Smithfield." Not only is it cheesy, the Asian theme doesn't have any relationship to the items provided by the celebrity judge.
Who turns out to be Alexis Arquette! I'm quite fond of Alexis; I liked her as a dude (I found boy-Alexis rather hot in Bride of Chucky) and I like her as a woman. CC DeVille greeting her with a hug on The Surreal Life is one of my favorite reality TV moments of all time. Yeah, once you see Alexis Arquette, you know the Asian room is toast.
The winning team designed a room with a sandbox cut into the floor, showing a level of creativity that was completely beyond most of the other teams. They also made put a big swing in the room for the seating, and when you see the smile on Arquette's face as she sits on the swing, the winner is clear.
So far, I'm liking Top Design. I was a little annoyed that, instead of eliminating the worst person from each of the two bottom teams, they eliminated both people on the worst team. Despite her passivity, I think Heather could have had a lot to offer. At least she painted.
I would love you to continue to blog this. I know nothing about design (or cooking or fashion) but I find this show intriguing. Maybe I'll learn something?
Oh, and i hear you on Top Chef 2. Once the spoiler got out that Ilan won, I happily watched something else that night (and thus missed the first episode of this, but oh well.)
Posted by: PoliVamp | February 04, 2007 at 07:24 PM