Not much has gone on recently with our little subject of study. To her credit, we have no shots of her drunkenly careening from one party to another, nor have we seen her labia in quite some time. I'm not sure whether this is an indication of a shift in priorities, or a temporary bummer brought on by the recent death of her aunt from breast cancer (always a tragedy, especially for a relatively young woman, as Britney's aunt was).
So the pictures from the past week offer mere glimpses of missteps in personal presentation, rather than a desperate howling cry for help. But hey, there's always next week!
Britney started the week out looking... well, looking like 20 miles of bad road while shopping at Target. (Picture from Britney fansite breatheheavy.com.)
What's most unnerving to me in that picture isn't that she's carrying a purse clearly too small for her needs, nor her roots and scraggly hair, nor that her lips look rather Mr.-Potato-Head-esque, what with that opaque red color that's a bad match for both her coloring and her level of formality. No, it's the stain on the left sleeve of the top. What is that? It looks as if she wiped the sweat from her brow onto her shoulder, and left a lipstick trace there too.
And then there's this shot, from In Case You Didn't Know. Were it not
for the boobs, unfettered and pointing straight down though they may
be, I'd swear I was looking at Bret Michaels from Poison.
If I went to Target looking like Britney did, I'd probably be followed by the store detective and specifically asked not to try on any clothes. For the life of me, I cannot understand why someone who knows they'll be photographed wherever they go decided to be photographed looking like this. This is why God made assistants, Brit: so they can go to the store for you while you shower and change.
On the plus side, it seems that Britney realized the value of these things we call "brassieres" later in the week, when she was photographed stopping at a gas station to top off the car's tank and empty her own, on the road from Vegas back to LA. (She used a men's room. I don't know what's up with that. Eh, maybe the ladies' was backed up or something.)
One of the first things you'll notice in this picture is that Britney is now a dark brunette again. I've bitched about this before, but why can't she find some nice mid-range tone, something between lemony blond and a brown so dark it washes her out? Memo to Britney: I understand you can find these fine products at Target, even. (And suddenly it dawns on me what one of her purchases might have been.)
Another thing you might notice is that her hairline is higher than Paula Abdul. Here's a hint: maybe if you didn't change your hair color more often than you change your socks, Britney, your hair might halt its exodus from your head. (Oh, who am I kidding. Girl don't know the meaning of "exodus.")
By the end of the week, Brit was looking relatively presentable at the Baby Phat fashion show in New York.
(I love the haunted look of the dude next to her.) She looks happy and decently made-up, at least, although -- wait a minute. Is the top she's wearing in this picture the same one she was wearing several days earlier when she stopped at the gas station? Oh, dear. Well, that top got its revenge later that night by exposing her left nipple, according to the New York Daily News.
See, the thing about Britney is that you can dress her up, but you can't take her anywhere. Take this shot, for instance. She's looking okay, for Britney. (Not great, but okay; satin is always a risk, given its tendency to amplify any bodily convexities. Also, you can't see it in this shot, but she's carrying the same little white purse she took to Target on Monday. It didn't work for her then and it's not working for her now.) Again, the dark brown hair isn't doing her any favors, but the jewelry is nice and the make-up's good.
But for the love of your own molars, woman, would you please take out the wad of gum for once?! Have we ever seen Britney without some form of cud in her mouth? She even had gum in that godawful Matt Lauer interview! Does anybody know if "Intervention" handles ruminants?
I'm trying to think who she looks like in that one photo that emphasizes her receding hairline. Probably some balding 80's metal icon. But I haven't slept yet since my shift last night, plus have been listening to metal since the 80's nonstop, and my brain is fried.
Posted by: Cheesemeister | February 06, 2007 at 11:57 AM