This week, I'm going to celebrate Valentine's Day the way a dog celebrates a brand new pile of poo: by rolling around in it until I stink of high-sucrose-content chocolate and perfume sample cards.
And what better way to honor a day that seems to bring the creepy gender-role stuff out of the woodwork than to declare a muse for this week, our own little goddess of love and beauty? Who could possibly exemplify the modern celebration of Valentine's Day better than the world-famous celebrity whom I hereby dub Miss VD 2007?
(Wait for it...)
Oh, like you didn't see that one coming! Who else could possibly be Miss VD other than Britney? In a way, she personifies Valentine's Day as it's presented in pop culture: she's shallow, she's clueless about love itself, she falls for the wrong people at record speeds and makes extremely bad choices as a result (not that she makes that many great choices when single), and she's cheesy as hell.
So the next time you get creeped out imagining the god of love as a pudgy bowhunting toddler, just think of this goddess of love, flashing the cameras, lurching from a party or simply braying a laugh that shows you her ever-present wad of gum. If it helps, think of these pictures from the weekend's partying (snagged from TMZ) as Britney's first public engagement fulfilling her duties as Miss VD. She's even wearing the perfect dress for it!
Well, I'm pretty sure that's a dress, anyway. She might have forgotten pants again, though. You can never tell with our Miss VD! Besides, you've gotta love the buccaneer boots and bling-necktie she paired it with.
Coming tomorrow: a song for the lonely... to make them a little bit happier about that fact.
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