Is it me, or is the current crop of America's Next Top Model contestants a little lackluster? We're talking Naima/Nicole lame, here. Maybe the show is starting to show its age. Maybe the modeling profession itself is in a bit of a downturn. Maybe potential contestants took Tyra's exhortation to kiss her "fat" ass a little too personally. Whatever the reason, I'm just not seeing a top non-model yet.
Yeah, I know.
Because the challenge (thrift store fashion show) was rather silly and the photo shoot premise (models representing political viewpoints) was just plain ridiculous, I'm going to focus on my overall impression of our lucky-ish 13 finalists -- in alphabetical order, so Renee don't get all pissy and start crying again.
Brittany is one of my early favorites. Of course, considering how disappointed I am in the pool as a whole, that's not saying much. But I like her classically beautiful face, and she seemed to be one of the few models who understood how to take direction at the photo shoot. (That's another gripe: this year's crop seems kinda stupid, and about half of them make the very same face in every damn frame.) Facially, she reminds me of an actress, but I can't remember who. It's not Annie Potts, although there's a little bit of a resemblance. Can any of y'all help me out?
Cassandra is one of two girls in the semifinals with tragic hair. I don't mean that it looks terrible (although it kinda does); I mean it has an actual sad story behind it. The girl who didn't make it into the finals had to get her extensions back from a friend who had borrowed them, while Cassandra sewed a wig into her hairline. I'm not sure which is worse: a wig sewn onto your head or twice-used hair. So far Cassandra has taken great photos, but I wonder if she could make the BMI requirements they're talking about instituting on the runway. I mean, she has shoulder nodules.
On the other end of the size spectrum is Diana, one of the two plus-size models who made it to the house. (Interestingly, a plus-size model in a previous season was named Diane. Maybe it's the whole goddess-name thing that produces striking Junonian women.) Diana has a lot of potential for beauty, but she kinda half-assed her way through the photo shoot. Tyra did not say to kiss her half-ass, Diana. Step it up, baby.
In keeping with the weave-centric themes of this episode, Dionne was occasionally identified as "1B-30," in reference to her two-toned weave. (And to my delight, the editors would point out the 1B and the 30 in her hair with little ding sounds.) I like Dionne; her tendency to run off at the mouth was parodied in the episode, but she has some potential. On the other hand, though, she had one of the easiest photo shoot set-ups: vegan and loving it. She could have blissfully clutched her fruit breastplate, or she could have done a calm-yet-inviting meditation pose. Instead, she did the "curious trout" face that so many of the girls did. Dionne also reminds me of an actress I can't name. Help?
Felicia started off saying she looked like Tyra, and Tyra pointed out that she has Beyonce's hair color (read: weave color), but if anything, I think she looks like a slender, lighter-skinned Jennifer Hudson. And that's by no means a bad thing; I think J-Hud is gorgeous. We didn't see much of Felicia's personality in the first show, which probably means she was being pleasant, polite and generally sane (and therefore boring TV). There was a nice twinkle in her eye in her photo-shoot picture, so I think it's safe to hold out some hope for her as a potential model and as someone I could stand to see week after week.
I'm not sure I could say that about Jael. Girl is weird. Sometimes, she seems like a fairly standard well-meaning stoner. Other times, she seems like a bit of a weasel. She claimed to have a major fever during the photo shoot, and said she didn't feel well when she couldn't get the pose right for her set-up. But the appearance of a hula hoop seemed to set that right and she was soon swiveling her hips as if all was right with the world. Girl, don't be hedging your bets like that on the first damn shoot. Wait until at least episode 4 to start goldbricking.
You might recall Jaslene from the semifinals of last season. I kinda did, although for some reason I thought she was the military wife from Glocester, VA. She's not, though; Jaslene is 100% NYC. I don't know what to do with Jaslene's features. Sometimes, she looks almost like a young Janice Dickinson. Sometimes, she looks like a dude. Her photo shoot picture was great, and her walk is pretty damn fierce. Plus, she keeps mentioning how she wants to win this for La Raza, and that might go over very well with Tyra. I just know I'll feel a little better about Jaslene once I've seen her eating something; I have bookmarks thicker than this girl.
Alas, I will not have a chance to fret about Kathleen, for she was cut during the first proper elimination. Admittedly, not understanding what it means to be anti-fur is pretty damn stupid, as is her claim that fur should be fine if the animal died from natural causes (although it does evoke the delightful image of woodland autopsies with an anxious furrier waiting to get custody of the corpse). But I will say this about Kathleen: she was sweet, gracious and thoughtful to her fellow contestants. Moreover, she recognized the strengths of the other girls and what she could learn from them, and I was pretty impressed by her emotional intelligence in that respect. That said, she really should work on the mental intelligence. And that weave.
Someone who could have stood to learn some emotional intelligence from Kathleen is Natasha. I know! She's Russian and her name is Natasha! Oh, but it gets better: girlfriend is a mail-order bride. She came to Texas (ding!) at age 18 (ding!) to marry a dude who was 40 (ding ding ding ding!). And while I respect that she came from extremely humble beginnings and is trying to make as good of a life for herself as she can, she might want to remember those humble beginnings when she starts talking smack about her fellow contestants. "There are girls here who look masculine, like, why are they here?" Oh, shut it, Rootsy. And learn to pose.
Even more appalling is Renee. In her photos, she looks quite pretty, if a little timid. (She looks a bit like Yancy Butler, except that Yancy is fierce. You do not fuck with Yancy Butler; she fucks with you and lets you know when she's done so you can go looking for your gall bladder.) But Renee doesn't even have to open her mouth to dispel her prettiness; her persistent bitchface and rolling eyes do that all by themselves. What makes this particularly unappealing is that she's married, with a 7-month-old son whom she says she's competing "for." So at any given moment, Renee is either crying about missing her son, or trashing one of her competitors. Hell, I'm sure a moment will come when she manages to do both.
The potential dark-horse candidate for me is Samantha. She's 19 years old and from a small town in Alabama, but she took a fantastic picture tonight. She has a long neck and a great profile, and those are crucial for models. Also, she seemed to enjoy working her photo shoot and had a genuinely interesting expression on her face to accompany that lovely profile. As an added bonus, she needs a semi-major improvement (and you know Tyra can't resist that): baby girl is missing a molar. Ability! Good genes! Bad dentistry! How can you go wrong?
At first, I thought Sarah couldn't go wrong; she's done some modeling before and works as a photographer, so she knows fashion. But to my bewilderment, she doesn't seem to know how to work with the camera. In her photo shoot, she kept making the same face in every frame. (It wasn't the curious trout, which so many of the girls used; it was more of a bored housecat expression. You know the one.) Personality-wise, she comes across as a bit overconfident, the kind of ANTM contestant who believes that she's the only one who deserves to be there, but can't seem to put that across into photos.
Rounding out the pack is the other plus-size model, Whitney. Now, here's a girl I could love. She goes to Dartmouth (no, not Dartmouth Community College, the Ivy League Dartmouth), has a beautiful face and a well-proportioned body, and seems to have a pretty good attitude as well. Talking about the gay wedding shoot she did with Samantha, Whitney noted with amusement, "I've played college basketball, so I know a thing or two about lesbians." I hope she goes far, but even if modeling doesn't work out for her, y'know, that Dartmouth degree might come in handy. What actress does Whitney look like? I want to say Jada Pinkett Smith, but that's not quite right.
My jury is out on most of these girls until the makeover challenge, since that's when their look tends to solidify. And while the makeovers can certainly make the bitch come out, I'm much more interested in seeing what happens when some of the weave comes out. What is actually going on with Cassandra's scalp? Only Jay Manuel is likely to know for sure.
I missed the first part of the show and this helped fill in the blanks.
This was a great read, but I'm surprised that you focused so much on the weaves. Wigs and Weaves (on Black and White models) has become the norm.
Posted by: NikkiBlue | March 08, 2007 at 01:49 PM
You're totally right about the prevalence of weave (I like using it as a collective noun for some reason) in the recap. I'm just so clueless when it comes to the wide, wide world of weave. I'm still like, "Dude! Detatchable hair!" So I probably focused on it due to my na-weave-ete, if you will.
That said, it was a rather weave-centric episode, from Dionne being identified as "1B-30" to poor Cassandra sewing a wig onto her head. (I can't even fathom that. Wouldn't it hurt?)
And I'm sure next week will be weave-a-licious with the makeovers. We saw some sneak peeks on Wednesday's show, but I'm predicting a 3-foot cascade of blond weave for Sarah.
Posted by: Catherine Cantieri | March 08, 2007 at 09:49 PM