Yea, it's the makeover episode! Every season on this show, we get to see what the show's producers think the contestants should look like (when they're not giving them moving wigs and clown make-up for the photo shoots, anyway). The show made a ridiculously overt attempt to cut off any makeover-related drama at the pass, but who needs girls crying over their hair when you've got a genuine tragedy in one girl's life and Renee doing her best to introduce tragedy into anyone else's life?
Sorry, Tyra, you did your hammy-yet-cheesy thing for naught.
The show opens with Diana chatting with Whitney, so I figure one of them is going home this week. Which is kind of a bummer, but it's not like either of them have been photographing worth a damn yet. Then Cassandra starts talking about how she's becoming friends with everyone in the house (even that shitty Renee) and that she considers kindness to be the most important thing. Here, I actually start sulking because now I know who's going home, and I wish to crap there was a show that rewarded kindness. But I know for a fact that this show ain't it.
Especially on makeover day. Tyra puts on a sad little pantomime to make the girls promise not to cry over their makeovers. They all assure her they really, really want to be made over, and then they learn what they'll be getting.
[I should caution you that I'm going to be using only the makeover shots for this recap, because this week's photo shoot was just freaking awful and I am simply not going to acknowledge a naked candy-themed shoot involving ice cream. Yeah. Ice cream and strategically-covered pubes. I don't need that on my TV, and I refuse to put that on my blog.]
I'm glad that Cassandra at least got the wig removed. Her afro weave does look a lot better, very Tracee Ellis Ross. Looking at her photos, I must acknowledge that her neck does tend to disappear when she poses. From a modeling standpoint, I think the judges were right to let her go. But every single one of the other contestants was crying to see her leave. (That's the way to make an exit, though, right?)
Another good makeover was Dionne's. The shorter, more monochromatic hair calls attention to what is actually a great bone structure. Plus, Dionne herself loved it, which is a good sign. I should never try to predict the outcome of reality competitions, but I'm getting a good feeling about Dionne. Uh oh; I hope I didn't just doom her with that.
I was worried that Jaslene would be a bit of a diva over losing some length in her hair, but I was glad to hear her say that losing inches of her hair was like losing anger and resentment. And she did look fabulous afterward. The judges are still giving her that tired "we need more personality" crap, and I bet she's even more sick of it than I am.
I really hope that Felicia's makeover means the end of hearing her compared to Tyra. This show is enough of a vehicle for Tyra's ego already. I'm a little worried, though, by her sudden resemblance to Naima's boring ass. You know, Naima. From Season 4. The one who won Season 4. If Felicia can just add a touch of attitude, she just might avoid the fate of appearing on commercials touring makeup factories in a hairnet.
Again, I called it completely wrong for Sarah. I saw an ocean of blond weave attached to her head, but I'm glad to see the darker color. The contrast between her skin and hair is much more flattering than the blond had been and makes her eyes really stand out. Girl even took a good photo this week, and made the greatest face ever when Renee asked her, "Do you even know who Kate Moss is?"
Natasha took her lemons-into-lemonade attitude into her makeover, positing that the chocolate brown color meant that she looked good in anything. I'm really starting to admire that relentless optimism of hers. I was kind of astonished to see, though, that a day or two after the makeover, her hair was already losing some of its healthy sheen. My theory is that the girl has no clue how to blow-dry her hair and just broils the crap out of it. Ya know, Tyra, sometimes you need to teach the contestant how to fish in addition to giving them a free fillet. I thought Natasha's photo-shoot pic made her look very Dita Von Teese, but I agree that she needs to quit squinting. I think she thinks it makes her look sexy, but more often than not, it makes her look myopic and/or stoned.
Our resident stoner-voiced contestant, Jael, had a rough week. First, she withstood the painful insertion of a weave, then an alleged sudden change from Tyra had the weave taken out, meaning that Jael's eight hours in the chair were a total waste. Then, when she got back to the house, Jael learned that a close friend had overdosed and died. That, my friends, is one of the shittiest days imaginable.
To her total credit, Jael grieved for her friend -- and to the credit of just about every girl in the house, even that shitty Renee, they all helped her with prayer, words of comfort or just hugs -- and kept on soldiering through. She turned out a great photo (although I have no idea how it "showed her ethnicity" as Tyra insisted) and dedicated it to her friend. If I were looking on from the great beyond, I'm not sure how I'd feel about having a frozen-butterfat-and-exposed-nipples photo dedicated to me, but you work with what you've got. I am really warming to Jael.
And I am really cooling to Whitney. I still think she's a great person, but I am just not feeling her as a model. I think part of the problem is that she might not feel like a model herself. In every photo, her face is tense as hell, resulting in a facial expression that would look right at home on a ventriloquists's dummy. I fear that Whitney is not long for this competition.
But I hope she outlasts Diana. Not only does Diana bring exactly nothing to every photo, she displays no spark whatsoever before the panel and has joined Renee in bitching about her fellow contestants. I know I should stand up for my fellow plus-size girl, but her personality is a minus. I hope the fact that they did damn near nothing to her hair is a sign that she won't last.
On the other side of the transformation coin is Brittany. No, wait. That picture doesn't really do justice to the makeover. Here we go.
That's a much closer approximation. Like Jael, Brittany had a very painful time in the weavologist's chair. Unlike Jael, Brittany didn't have it all removed and didn't have a dear friend die. So I'm not remotely sure why Brittany spent most of the episode on the verge or in the midst of tears. She fretted that her parents wouldn't approve of the nude-ish ice cream shoot (girl, you're 21; cut the damn cord); she griped about the ice cream melting in her hand; she almost didn't participate in a challenge because her stomach was upset. The thing that gets me -- and that inspires Jael and that freaking kills Renee -- is that Brittany is taking great photos consistently, almost without thinking about it.
I was delighted to see the transformation wrought upon Renee. I'm torn: is she more Ellen Barkin in Drop Dead Gorgeous, or more Sharon Stone in Casino? Either way, this makeover has done a lot to highlight the hard trashiness that is writ upon her very soul. Renee managed to express some sympathy for Jael; in fact, she seems to genuinely like Jael, which makes me wonder if she's just trying to get close enough to her to poison her weed or something. But after targeting Jaslene last week, Renee turned her laserlike hatred upon Brittany this week.
But in a beautiful show of karma (so rare on reality TV), Renee's sneering at Brittany bit her in the ass. After Renee told Brittany that she was acting like a high-school girl, Brittany made the simple, correct point: "I'm still kicking your ass in this competition." To which, the mature, worldly Renee gave her the finger.
Next week, the girls reenact the butt-in-the-air sequence from Entrapment, and Renee cries that she wants to go home. All those opposed to sending her on her merry way? Yeah, I thought not.
Ah, lovely.
Posted by: PolIVamp | March 17, 2007 at 11:53 PM
No fat chicks!!! And pierced noses! Tattoos! I think Australia's Next Top Model saw this season's ANTM a mile away.
Posted by: bryanD | March 18, 2007 at 03:04 AM
bryanD -You do realize that in the modeling world, plus size means bigger than size 2? Most plus size models are between 8 and 12 size wise, hardly fat chicks.... they are healthy and have a figure, in my humble opinion.... and if you want skinny, go gaze at jaslene.. that girl has nothing but skin draped over bones... scary!
Posted by: Mindi | March 18, 2007 at 09:07 AM
The "fat," pierced-nosed, tattooed chicks of world are all crying tonight, bryanD, because you "think Australia Next Top Model saw this season's ANTM a mile away."
Whatever the fuckity fuck that means. What DID that mean, anyhow?
Meanwhile, I will take my plus-sized ass and go cry a little because bryanD apparently saw me coming, too. I'm hard to miss because I am so HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE.
Posted by: Susanna | March 18, 2007 at 04:11 PM
it just amazing me how much a simple remy hair weave can change the appearance of someone.. while still looking so real!
Posted by: Sean Carter | January 30, 2013 at 10:13 AM