The more I watch Top Design, the more I get the feeling that one of two things is true: that I have a much better sense of color and simplicity of line than a lot of these contestants, or that I'm truly clueless as to interior design and don't know good work when I see it. Then there's my lack of small-scale mechanical ability. 'Cause I could have designed a much better garage makeover than the winning design this week... but I don't think I could've built a model of it in only two hours.
Then again, some folks can do neither.
As a viewer, I feel cheated, as I often do on team challenges, by the winnowing of creative output. This time there was only one realized design out of a field of seven designers. But considering the amount of sheer work they had to do in a very limited time, I was glad all seven of them were available to pitch in.
Tragically, there's no "before" photo of the Bell family's garage available, so I'll have to use this random messy-garage photo I snagged off the Intertubes:
Picture that, plus a to' up sofa. Not only does the team have to make this space tidier, they have to meet a perplexing variety of needs (work space, office space, children's theater space, plus shitloads of storage) and have room to park a product-placed SUV in it.
Now, I'm a huge fan of shows like Clean Sweep and neat, so my instinctual reaction is to hunker down with the homeowners and start purging stuff. But that's not an option, apparently. Ryan also broaches the topic, but in typical fashion, he does it the wrong way. Not "Are you open to the idea of streamlining your stuff to allow more space in the design?" but "You need to get rid of a bunch of stuff." Good one, Smooth Operator.
The designers pitch their ideas and models to the Bell family. Does Goil's involve wheels? Yes, it does. Michael's apparently involves some kind of movable wall, like the trash compactor in Star Wars. (And based on the clutter in that garage, there might be some of those tentacle dudes in there, too.) Ultimately, the Bell family chooses Andrea's design. Interestingly, the judges wouldn't have chosen that design, and frankly, neither would I.
It just looks uninspired and still kinda cluttered. Admittedly, the Bells want a lot out of their garage, and they each have a different favorite color, which doesn't make it easy for a designer. But it just looks like a particularly lame episode of Mission Organization to me, not a work of design genius.
But Andrea's design is the one the Bells pick, so she gets immunity from elimination, and is essentially the episode's winner. I guess that's the nature of the beast when it comes to dealing with clients: they've got their own criteria, which might be miles away from an expert's choices, but they're the ones paying the invoice. The other contestants are to assist Andrea in realizing the design, and she wisely assigns them roles based on their strengths: Erik and Michael are working on fabrics and details; Carisa is the designated shopper and home office coordinator; Matt is the designated organizer; Ryan is to work with the carpenters and provide "floor graphics" and Goil is Andrea's assistant and dude-of-all-trades.
Goil refers to himself as "mini-Andrea," which is pretty cute. During this episode, I referred to Andrea as a black-haired Andy Warhol -- not due to her meta art, but because that coif of hers is nothing but damaged, split-ended bangs. (In other news, Bravo is going to have a Top Design-style show about haircuts and I am all over that. You may think it sounds like taking craftsman competitions to a ludicrous extent, but I think it'll be nice to see some educated critiques of hair-cutting. No, I'm being serious here.)
When Andrea visits the job site, she finds that the Bells have an outside shed that they'd like to use as the office space. I figure this last-minute change is part of the challenge, and frankly, I think that shed could make a cute office as long as the sun doesn't shine directly through its one window and turn it into a cute little convection oven.
Carisa kinda seizes the opportunity to work by herself in the shed/office/oven and does a pretty nice, if unremarkable, job with it. Andrea later gripes that Carisa was off in her own space and not around to help the team, but why the hell didn't Andrea just come get Carisa if that was the case? (I could totally see Carisa doing the passive-aggressive "I'll be right there" and then not, but that would give Andrea even more ammo in the final analysis.)
Erik did a lot of detail work on the garage, and to my astonishment, the aspect the judges loved most was the shade he did over the window. No, really. They oohed and aahed over a Roman goddamn shade. I just don't understand them sometimes.
Michael made the curtains for the theater, and he took a lot of flack for using the purple color, but that was pretty close to what Andrea gave him as a guideline and besides, show curtains are supposed to be dark, aren't they? (Also, you can see the reverse side of the curtain in the back there; they'd have the option of a white-canvas curtain with a black border if the purple got to be too dark.) I feel kinda weird saying this, but I don't think Michael deserved to be in the bottom three this week.
I feel even weirder saying this: I was more than a little worried that Goil might be in the bottom three. He took it upon himself to build a dog bed on (say it with me) wheels, even though that (1) wasn't in the original design (2) took very valuable time away from the project itself (3) was utterly impractical; as Kelly Wearstler pointed out, dogs don't like to be wheeled around (unless a motor is involved and they can hang their head out the window). Goil: I love you, man, but enough with the damn wheels. Stationary can be beautiful too.
I also think storage can be beautiful. I'm not so sure I agree with guest judge Mark Rios that storage can be composed, and not just organized. Maybe if you have a client willing to purge some stuff and an unlimited amount of time, but not in 2 days with more stuff than a block of thrift stores. So I'm impressed not only with Matt's organizing and storing ability, but in his willingness to get down and dirty and sort through all that crap.
You know who else impressed me with his work ethic? Ryan, of all people. He actually seemed to relish working with the carpenters and getting his hands dirty building, finishing and adjusting stuff. Unfortunately, the only "floor graphics" (a concept that still sounds ridiculous to me) he managed to fit in were the "PARK HERE" stripes for the SUV. I'm not faulting Ryan for that, but the judges did. (They also didn't buy his last-minute apology for trash-talking the concept of design.)
So it's finally goodbye to Ryan, double finger and all. Todd Oldham further cements my love by acknowledging that Ryan "worked [his] ass off" on the project. I feel kinda bad for Ryan, and then he goes off on some thing about how he prefers being in the trenches and how he can't find any transcendental pinnacle in a vase. (Only he says "vahze" 'cause that's how he rolls.) And it seems to me that Ryan either has no belief in the simple gratification of beauty, wherever you may find it, or he disdains the very idea. 'Cause I have seen some beautiful vases out there, and while they didn't take me to Nirvana, they did make me pause and smile, and I think many Buddhists would agree that that's pretty damn good all by itself.
Then he says, "Gimme a glass of Agent Orange and a shot of Napalm and I'm happy" and I yell, "OH SHUT UP AND GO BACK TO YOUR DAMN GARRET!" at the TV and the cats glare at me for startling them.
Next week: Oh, hell no. Somebody makes my man Goil cry!
I finally caught up with your "Top Behind" posts.
Something dark and misguided (or something sweet and good like Goil) keeps me watching this program every week.
I hate, hate, HATE spacey, bitchy, cunty Kelly Wearstler. She says "I hate it" and "I love it" in EXACTLY the same tone. Exactly the same tone.
She is a fembot. Freakishly medicated. Space cowgirl.
Is there anyone on that panel likable? I know Jonathan Adler and Simon Doonan are known in the design community as the "power gays." Doonan is a pretty irreverent and funny guy, I have read his book and he is very talented. Maybe Doonan is the interesting one in that relationship. Because, fuck me, Adler, unless he is being terribly ironic and smug as shit and I am completely missing something, is BORING as fuck and stealing Wearstler's pills out of her space purse. Go back to making your vanilla fucking pottery, pottery boy! CHRIST!
And DON'T NOBODY FUCK WITH GOIL! Shit. Now I am going to have to watch this crap again tonight.
Posted by: Susanna | March 14, 2007 at 02:11 PM