Ordinarily, I wouldn't even bother blogging about a Top Model clip show, but the contestants this season were so genuinely entertaining, I can't help myself.
Seeing how great she looks in this wig made me wish that those long extensions had worked for Jael. Ah, I weep for what could have been. Or maybe it's the booze.
Mostly, this episode made me wistful for the girls who have been eliminated. Remember this sweet, but dim, beauty?
I do, bad weave and all. She was part of the fake fashion show the girls had on one of their first nights in the ANTM house. Highlights:
Felicia (I miss her the most) as Baby Ty.
Sarah as a goth rocker (who is, interestingly, called "Grandma" -- ouch!!).
Natasha in ... whoa... blackface. I guess the Af-Am girls in the house were okay with that.
Well, seeing as how Cassandra (miss her too!) is in whiteface, I guess it's all good.
Aw, and Kathleen as "Tiffany," the Ivy League bimbo.
Unfortunately, Kathleen was too much bimbo, not enough Ivy League at the first photo shoot, and she was sent home for not understanding what "anti-fur" actually meant. But it gave us this great moment. Let's all share it:
Ahhh.
The "back to school" week posed its own problems, as Sarah had a wardrobe malfunction:
And Natasha got burned by a malfunctioning hair stylist with a curling iron.
Ouch on both counts!
The following week proved just as dangerous. I hated that ice cream shoot, but my animosity toward it has grown now that I know what it did to Cassandra.
She held that ice cream in her hand for so long that she got frostbite! Had to go to the hospital and everything. And while she was wearing her thermal glove on her frostbitten hand, the panel sent her home. That's just ... cold.
Another torturous theme was introduced with the makeovers. First Jael had to endure 8 hours of weavening, then a de-weaving, and finally was left with short brown hair that made even this bastion of self-esteem ask Jay Manuel, "Do I look like a peanut-head?" Honestly, Jael, I didn't think you did until you put it like that, and now I can't think of you in any other terms. Sorry.
And the drama of Brittany And Her Weave began. Now, I respect that it's hard to think straight when your scalp is in pain, seeing as how it's so sensitive and all, but Brittany strikes me as such a whiner that I have less sympathy for her. I know that makes me a somewhat lousy person, but you already knew that about me.
We see a montage of her wincing, patting, scratching and looking like straw-headed hell. We also see Whitney taking Brit down a peg or two reminding her that in the big picture, an ouchy head isn't that devastating. And I'm reminded of what a cool girl Felicia is. She's totally that friend who'll teach you how to care for your weave. (You'll notice, Brit's weave really went downhill after Felicia left.)
Maybe it's the weave talking, but Brittany and Renee get into several pointless arguments, snipe at each other and just generally don't like each other. So when they act civil toward one another, Dionne is flummoxed to the point of anger and yells at them for being fake. I don't really get this argument, but I'd like to note that Felicia pulls Dionne away, 'cause she's cool like that.
Enough with the fighting, let's get to some fierceness. I was delighted to see Benny Ninja again, so I'm putting his whole clip here.
I'm just in awe. He gets into the most ridiculous positions, but makes them look elegant. I want to bottle that somehow.
Similarly awesome was how Natasha finally started getting into the Top Model groove in the next week's cross-dressing challenge.
"Grabbing the crotch. Very nice." Heh. This was when I realized how much potential she has, and I think Jay Manuel and the other girls started realizing it at the same time.
But even the most awesome among us needs to clean the tub sometimes -- a lesson that seemed lost on all the girls but Natasha and Renee, who stepped in all Kim-and-Aggie style to de-mank-ify the communal bathroom.
Hee!
And they'd need that all-purpose cleaner to rid themselves of the dirty feeling that comes from associating with shit-stirring Mean Girls like Nicole Richie.
Classy!
Fortunately, the girls were able to get past it long enough to put on an unnervingly lifelike recreation of an ANTM panel.
Okay, Natasha has Tyra down. What makes it a bit creepy is that Renee is voicing Jay Manuel's actual criticisms of Whitney. I'm not sure Renee knows how to turn the cruelty off completely.
Nor am I sure Natasha gets the concept of "inside voice." When the girls were told they were going to Australia, Natasha's delayed-reaction scream scared the living shit out of this poor kangaroo.
Poor thing! He or she needs a nice, calming snuggle, ideally from me.
But then, I had that same reaction to the Aussie accents in the Cover Girl commercial the girls did.
So here we are. Five girls remaining, and I'm worried Renee's getting the redemption edit. Only one way to find out who wins it, kids. Three more episodes to go!
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