8-8: Action!

First, let me apologize for how brief this recap is. It's been a busy week, and frankly, this was a lame episode. One thing I've got to give ANTM: they find a new way to be silly with the photoshoot just about every week. This time, they had previous ANTM contestants return to recreate "infamous moments" in the show. It's like an especially dispiriting Career Day at a vo-tech school.

Oh, yeah: and the acting challenge. 'Cause nothing releases the muse like a wacky hat!

Okay, let's breeze through this mother. Blah blah blah, Renee's trying to be nicer, blah blah, time for the acting challenge, blah blah, hats. Blah, challenge part 2, blah blah, Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite, memorize a script, bad acting, bad acting, Renee wins! And she picks Dionne to share in her bounty!

Oh. Well, at least they don't say "NeNe" and "Brown." (Although I might buy an "I voted for Wholahay" t-shirt.)

Oh, but wait! The real prize comes the next day, when the families of the winner and designated friend appear at the house! So Renee gets to see her husband, who, frankly, looks like the kind of guy who wouldn't really mind sleeping on a beach, and her cute toddler son Troy. Dionne gets to see her wheelchair-bound mom, her sister and her little daughter. Her first thought upon seeing her little angel: "They fucked up my baby's hair!" Fortunately, she doesn't say this out loud. And soon, little Ta'Kya has a better coiffure.

Everybody's happy! Except Natasha, the only mom who didn't get to see her toddler. She realizes that as the winner and buddy, Renee and Dionne won the chance to see their kids, but that doesn't ease her pangs to see her gorgeous daughter Angelina. She stays up all night crying, and looks a puffy, sad mess at the shoot the next day.

And ugh, the shoot. Like I said, it's like an awful Career Day: the folks who are coming back to school haven't had much success. They're the specters of a really disheartening future. "Nope, it was pretty much all downhill after the Veronica Mars walk-on! Next question?"

Brittany doesn't look so hot in person, but she photographs beautifully. It doesn't hurt that she's between two of the gawkiest girls ever to make it into the ANTM finals.

Dionne horrifies me when she expresses her apprehension at having to kiss Kim, proclaiming, "I'm not a fucking lesbo." Wholahay!! Dude, that is... you just don't say that. Do that again, and I won't vote for you, ever. At panel, Miss J says that Dionne was anxious because she was worried she'd like it, and I almost never say this, but: Miss J is totally right. Dionne admits to really enjoying her shoot with Kim (who looks fabulous!).

See, and what's funny about this shot is that Jael is, in fact, slipping in her standing with the panel. Ha-ha! Yeah, they can't understand a word she says, and she says a lot of them, but they don't add up to much. The strange thing is, when she did her wacky hat bit, she spoke in a lovely, clear voice. Maybe Jael needs to wear a Burger King hat everywhere she goes. I wouldn't be surprised to find out she already does.

Oh, Jaslene. This shot is fine, but nothing special. She's the most modelesque one of the bunch, but she's not turning on the juice like the panel wants her to. She keeps hitting this one note over and over, and the tone of that note is "drag." I think she could have an actually successful modeling career after this, but I don't see her as final-three ANTM material.

There's my girl. Natasha shows up looking despondent, but once she's in hair, makeup and wardrobe, she comes alive and delivers a lively photo shoot. Also, how cute is Michelle from season 4? That dark hair suits her so much better than the ice-blond they saddled her with on the show.

Oh, and speaking of sights for sore eyes, my darling Joanie from season 6 is looking incredible as usual. Jay Manuel says Joanie stole the show from Renee, and I can totally believe it. I still haven't seen a great photo out of Renee, despite her great bone structure. Plus, despite being five years younger than Joanie, Renee looks so much older here.

At long last, Whitney is let go. This photo really captures so much of what I've found lacking in her shots: there's just something so pageant about her. And sometimes those skills can be converted into modeling, and sometimes they can't. Whitney is one of the latter cases. She'll be fine; if nothing else, she's got a $40,000 bracelet to console her for her time.

Next week, it's "pack your bags" time. They're going to ... somewhere. Jetlag and wackiness ensue.

Comments

[BronzeMan]

This season of antm is a train wreck.

[Mindi]

OMG - I developed a little crush on Kim during this episode... she looked hot!!!!

And all those kids were just gorgeous! I'm hoping to arrange a marriage with Natasha's baby and my son, so Natasha, if you read this, call me! :)