The (diffused) heat is on

This first episode of Shear Genius was full of surprises. The primary surprise being that I quite enjoyed it, and found it had a lot of the zest that Top Design was lacking.

The next surprise was that Jaclyn Smith, age 61, looks freaking incredible.

All over the TV blogosphere, folks have been snorting for months now about how ridiculous the idea of a competitive reality show about hair is. I've been one of them. But lo and behold, there's a strong competitive streak in all these contestants, and that, mixed with talent, personality and ego -- which are not remotely distributed evenly among this group -- makes for some pretty good TV.

Throughout the show, I was reminded of a 2001 comedy about a hair competition called Blow Dry. The film tried to tackle a bunch of social issues, but it was at its best when it focused on the hair -- and when it didn't have Josh Hartnett trying to affect an English accent. Like Shear Genius, the competition in Blow Dry had different challenges: blow-drying, evening hair and hair art are the ones I remember most. (I also remember Heidi Klum's dyed-red pubes from the film, for what that's worth.)

The contestants are introduced to their primary judge. My first thought is, damn, Chrissie Hynde looks great! But no, this pretend Pretender is Sally Hershberger, who's apparently a superstar for giving Meg Ryan a choppy shag haircut... the sort of haircut she herself is currently wearing. After mentioning this definitive cut, the first challenge is announced: the 12 contestants are to give mannequin heads their signature cuts.

For reasons I will never understand, about half the field administers these asymmetrical cuts that have little or no versatility. What, exactly, can you do with a head of hair that's 3 inches long on the right side and 8 inches long on the left? Besides lean a whole lot? One of the worst perpetrators of the asymmetrical atrocities is Evangelin, who actually tears up when she talks about how much she loves to do hair. She seems nice enough, but I sense she'll get on my nerves if she keeps with the waterworks.

I expect to be annoyed by the individual who calls himself Dr. Boogie and even dresses in surgical scrubs and a doo-rag. He's cutting with an electric clipper, flapping it about the ends of the hair in a somewhat Flowbee-esque manner. "I don't use scissors," he says. "This way, it's more like sculpting the hair." I start to scoff, but only get as far as "Oh, come--" when I realize: the hair looks wonderful. It really does look softly sculpted. The shape is well-defined, but it still looks touchable. My third surprise of the episode: I like Dr. Boogie, and I'm buying what he's selling.

Smith and Hershberger walk around the styrofoam heads, judging the cuts. They seem to be in eighth-grade-girl mode, making little quips and giggling to themselves, and I'm struck by the well-duh realization that the hair world is even bitchier than the fashion world (probably because the stakes are so low). In a display of cruelty that I almost have to applaud, the stylists will be ranked from first to worst based on this challenge, and that's the order in which they'll get to pick their models for the elimination challenge.

The top 3 for the challenge are Tyson, with a cut that combines asymmetry and bizarreness; Paul Jean, with a wearable, lush 70s-inspired style; and Daisy, with a cut I can't even remember, which means it was probably cute and versatile. Tyson has an advanced case of Baby-Head (and the Toddler Hair doesn't help one bit) but seems all right. Paul Jean has a French accent and basically *is* Warren Beatty in Shampoo. Daisy just seems sweet and friendly. I hope she stays that way, myself. Tyson is ranked first, and accepts this news with a smile that would look very nice if only his head were the right size for his body.

Tabatha is ranked last (asymmetrical cut, dude!) and this rankles her greatly. Between her ice-blond coloring, her minimalist style and her tough persona, embellished with an Aussie twang on all the "fuck this"s, she comes across as almost a ready-made caricature. I can't tell if her fury over being ranked last springs from entitlement or shame, but I wouldn't turn my back on her when she's mad.

The stylists are introduced to their mentor, Rene Fris, a Danish stylist with...

... I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought. There's just too much pretty in this shot. And the stylists agree with me! Everyone -- everyone -- oohs and ahhs to the camera about how beautiful Rene is. "I'm not gay or anything," Dr. Boogie tells us (which strikes a major cognitive-dissonance chord with me, but whatevs; after Matt from Top Design, I'll believe anybody is straight), "but Rene is gorgeous!"

The gorgeous Rene explains the elimination challenge to the designers: they've got to create hair art, and they've got to create it with $75 worth of diggety purchased at Michael's. "Hair art" is basically like abstract art that sits atop a person's head. It involves extensions, doodads, structures, stuff, objets d'artes, wingdings... you get the idea. Paul Jean is mortified that someone might think he actually shops at Michael's. Dude, have you ever been to a Michael's? They've got some pretty cool stuff in there, especially if you use it for some other purpose than its indended use. Anyway, they shop and check out.

Next up, they get to choose their models. Tyson gets to go first; he touches some hair and chooses a model using some criteria I cannot begin to imagine. Daisy chooses, then Paul Jean, in what I'm coming to consider his true "signature style," tells the remaining models that his first two choices were just taken. Lovely. So now your model knows she was your third choice, assmunch. Other choices are made, and fair-haired moppet Theodore charms me by taking his model by the hand and saying, "Let's play." Tabatha gripes to the camera about having to pick last, but wins some points with me by telling her model that she was the one Tabatha wanted all along.

I'm just gonna show the highlights and lowlights (get it? like in hair? haw ha-- ow!) of the elimination challenge.

Sigh. Damn. Tyson totally squanders his lead by gilding the lily with this overdone "bird of paradise" do that practically squawks. Also, look how tightly the hair is pulled back on the left side of her head. That's gotta hurt!

Tabatha, on the other hand, makes the bird theme work beautifully, combining feathers (and only feathers, Tyson) with an exaggerated mohawk that works especially well with her model's slightly prominent nose. I love a good comeback!

Theodore continues to work the charm with his treasure-chest hair. Where his charm worked best, though, was with his model, who totally sells the hair. The treasure chest actually opens and closes through some kind of mechanism on the model's head, which is so damn clever. And, Theodore knows how to charm the producers: among the "treasures" in the chest is a bottle of product from the show's sponsor. That's playing the game from all angles. I'll definitely have to keep an eye on Theodore.

I don't have words for this. I don't know what Paul Jean was going for here, except maybe a deliberate "fuck you" to the judges (doesn't the hair even look like it's giving the finger?). There's no theme, no metaphor, no aesthetic appeal... nothing. Paul Jean leaves gracefully, but his exit is marred by dropping his white-framed (?!) sunglasses on the floor on his way out. And in front of the cool kids, too! Ouchie.

I've got a lot of hope for this show. I'd like to see some challenges about day-to-evening hair, the unique challenges of African-American hair, redeeming a bad haircut, working with color, working with weave. This could be pretty good! I know, who knew?

Comments

[LurkerNan]

I'm going to watch this, but only because you're recommending it.... Plus it will make the recaps that much better.

[Anton]

Theodore TOTALLY looks like Ryan Philippe', Reese' ex. And did you see the commercial for the show where Ms Smith wields the hair dryer ala the Charlie's Angels pose?

[BronzeMan]

Wow, Anton, you stole my observation! I totally thought Theodore was Ryan Philippe too.

Great recap! You're right, the show is going to be awesome. The people are more interesting than the folks on Top Design, even if the subject matter is less interesting.

[littlem]

That's like the 8th Ryan Phillipe comparison I've seen. Didn't y'all see Cruel Intentions and Crash? Baby Boy grew up.

But I am so out, I guess; no one liked TD
except me. Wonks attract wonks, I guess.

*sigh*

But this is fun too.

I heart Tabatha, Queen Diva Bada**. If you are a good client of hers, clear on your request (NOT instruction), tip well -- you would leave with your hair ROCKED, I'm sure. If you are a bad, mouthy, sassy client, you might leave with no hair at all.

[video surveillance]

my mom makes great hair cuts and she doesn't use scissors, she use an electric clipper too, and OMG i sware the results are incredibles...
(Jaclyn Smith doesn't lokk like she's 61, she look younger look, gorgeous)