I am screaming and punching myself

I guess every franchise has its thorn

Okay, VH1. I was totally onboard for Flavor of Love 1 & 2, I Love New York, Charm School -- hell, I'll even blog about ILNY2, if you can find 20 more dudes to appear on it. But this time, you've gone too far.

It was one thing to have Flavor Flav skewer the dating reality show genre. But Bret Michaels? Are you trying to give my TV the clap?

Like I told Rich, the women who appeared on Flavor of Love were, to be sure, mercenary, deluded and/or just plain goofy, but they created most of the humor in that show. With the nutty-ass exception of New York, none of them were actually competing for the affection of Flavor Flav. (Who would?) But there are women out there who would give their left ovary to be with Bret Michaels the old lady that Bret Michaels comes home to when he's not getting road tail. I went to high school with some of these women. They scared me then, and they'd probably scare me much more now.

Anticipating finales and ... missing episodes?

The season finale for Shear Genius airs tomorrow night, and already I'm missing the show. Shear Genius really redeemed the Wednesday night creativity competition TV slot for me, and my delight in it was all the greater for it being such a surprise. Who knew a show about freakin' hair would be so compelling?

The nice folks who promote the show have slipped me a couple of sneak peeks once again. The first one shows the main challenge being explained, while the second one goes into more depth. I can't believe they didn't show the special guest, though: Vidal F'-in Sassoon. That's huge!

And speaking of missing shows, my TiFaux said there was no episode of Charm School this past weekend. The VH1 show site says there was no new episode of Charm School this past weekend. But according to some online buddies of mine, MTV (?) aired the new episode last night. Needless to say, I didn't catch it. So, unfortunately, we'll have to wait for the recap until the proper air date. I know, I know, it's killing me too. But, please, no spoilers, y'all. I want to (wait for it)... watch what happens.

Sundry updates

Having slaved through a grueling 4-day work week, I can scarcely organize my thoughts enough to craft a well-written post on one topic, so I'll shift all the contents of my brain over to you in this post, like handing someone a half-filled bucket. And yes, I will grunt as I do so.

- First off, my post about the Star Wars Holiday Special is included in the Star Wars Blog-A-Thon at Edward Copeland's movie blog. There are so many awesome posts there, it's an honor to be included! If you have any interest in the two trilogies, I urge you to visit the 'thon.

- Earlier this week, I think I injured my right shoulder by sleeping on it ... wrong. That's the only thing I can figure. And maybe I'm feeling a little sensitive because I turned 36 on Monday, but the idea that I can hurt myself in my sleep makes me feel not just old but decrepit. I swear, I can see the 5:30 bedtime and the Rascal right around the corner.

1-7 & 8: Straight shots, glamour shots and cheap shots

We're already down to the final four! Who knew that a competitive hairdressing show could be so enchanting?

Just takes your breath away, doesn't it?

1-6: Giving 'til it hurts

Once again, I find myself wondering, when it comes to Charm School, is this show brain-damaged or just plain bullshit? Or could it be both? Could the show suffer from a kind of mission-statement schizophrenia, as it attempts to help these women a bit as long as it doesn't get in the way of exploiting and humiliating them? Or, you know, just exploit and humiliate them completely, start to finish, while not offering any help at all. Ah, hell, I don't know. I'm just going to soldier through this recap as best I can, trying not to think too much about what this show says about personal development, philanthropy or society in general. Okay?

Okay!

Cutting attractions

I've received a couple of promo clips for tomorrow's episode of Shear Genius. Honestly, I'm so freaking flattered that the company that promotes the show considered me as an outlet, I couldn't not feature the clips!

OMG!!! I'd hoped for a challenge focusing on African-American hair! This show is reading my mind, and I? Like it! (I love how they keep focusing on Ben, as if to remind us "Bless his heart, he's lost without a map on this type of hair.")

Here's a longer version of the clip. Yup, Ben seems to be out in the weeds. Wonder how this'll pan out...

While I love a challenge show, with its opportunities for creativity and innovation, I'm also looking forward to the reunion. I try not to give in to the drama beast, but I'm not made of stone here.

Catching up with Britney

Or, "What is she wearing?!" part XVII or something.

The past couple weeks have been a sort of return to form for Britney. She spent a few days rehearsing her "comeback" mini-tour at a dance studio, shopped a lot, flew to Florida, played a 15-minute show in Orlando where her vocal track skipped repeatedly (!) and partied like a frog-voiced pop star in Miami.

She was also photographed in the company of -- get this -- her son. Oh, crap, I forgot, she supposedly has two. Well, she was photographed with the one she'll cop to having. Little Rerun is still the Bigfoot of celebrity babies.

The usual wince-inducing pictures -- plus a site with several horrifying songs! -- after the jump.

8-12: At least it wasn't Renee

Oh, yeah. Sorry to spoil you there, but Renee doesn't make it into the ANTM final 2. In fact, let me spoil you completely: it's Jaslene. And when I figured out which way this was going, I was a bit disappointed, but overall it makes sense. And I'm sure Natasha will be fine; she's coped with much worse than being runner-up in a modeling competition. And hey, I got to see my girl Caridee again! (She looked a little beige, but that's just the inevitable side effects of spending a year as a Cover Girl.) Plus, we all got to see one of the stupidest runway shows ever.

Does anybody else feel like singing "Rock and Roll Creation" by Spinal Tap ?

1-6: With this shovel, I thee bury

This episode of Shear Genius was all about client relations, even though some of the stylists didn't completely realize that. Hair artistry played a part, certainly, but as this episode proved, you can't be a successful stylist without getting clients into the chair and making them want to come back.

And viewed through that lens, the elimination makes perfect sense. But when you look at it on the surface...

... it's a shocker.

1-5: Sweet stank of success

One of two things is happening with Charm School. Either it's going completely off the rails, turning into a free-for-all where neither rules nor logic apply, or it's as cynically planned and executed as a green-card wedding. And I suspect it's the latter. I feel like I can see the wires, even if I can't see who pulls them out of the rigged-up phone booth.

To my chagrin, you can see the captions in this week's episode. Sorry about that; there are still a few kinks in the new-TV setup. (On the other hand, I probably didn't misquote anybody this week!)