Reality TV is not what it used to be

I've heard something recently that bummed me out to a surprising degree. An online buddy of mine tells me that the winner of Rock of Love was told by the producers in the first few days of filming that she was going to win, and advised to act nice so viewers would like her. Reading that made me feel like an all-day sucker, 'cause I'd already fallen for it.

I mean, come on, even Bret Michaels isn't allowed to pick his next three-week relationship?! 

Okay, maybe there was never truly a time when you could count on what was paraded before you as "reality TV" to be remotely unadulterated. Maybe it's always been completely producer-driven, only separated from purest fiction by a genre title. But damn, I'd like to believe otherwise. I'd like to think that there are people out there as nutty as Hottie/Schatar and New York's Moms, as in-freaking-sane as Pumkin/Brooke and Lacey, as perpetually drunk as Tiffany, as potentially stalker-ish as New York and Rodeo, as ri-damn-diculous as Tango and Chance, and most importantly, as likeable as Bonez, Onix, Goldie/Courtney, Smiley/Leilene, and Sam, Jes and Brandi M. (so far).

Sure, most of them were/are overplaying their reactions for the benefit of the camera, but I like to think those are their own individual choices rather than the directive of a producer. The philosophical underpinnings of reality TV (yes, I just used that phrase and I meant it) are that people themselves are pretty damn entertaining, that truth is stranger -- and funnier, and more absurd and more heartbreaking -- than fiction. I actually find it reassuring somehow that when screenwriting convention fails, I can count on my fellow human beings to fascinate me. So having the extent of the manipulation in reality TV revealed feels almost like a vote of no-confidence in the ability of the human race to be entertaining on its own.

 

Of course, child actors are a slightly separate group from the rest of the human race. From their earliest days, poor things, many of them were told that they weren't actually entertaining on their own and that they needed to follow a script and mug their asses off. So I'm actually comforted by the fact that The Two Coreys is a "partially scripted" reality show. I don't want to see these two go off-book.

I mean, it's bad enough watching Corey Haim perform a crying scene over not being asked to participate in a sequel to The Lost Boys. If I thought his pain was genuine, I'd have to change the channel. I'm already inching toward the mute button every time Corey Feldman and his wife Susie have a scene together, between their creepy codependent vibe and her general obnoxiousness (for a highly vocal animal-rights supporter, she seems blissfully unaware of how many bunnies died to bring the world the dubious gift of fake hooters).

I can tell from the Odd-Couple-style opening credits that I'm supposed to root for Feldman, what with his "nice house" (rented by A&E for the show), his happy marriage (I'd take the bullet), his steady work as an actor (well, I can't fault him on that) and his dedication to tidiness (ditto). Haim, meanwhile, is "single, unemployed and a slob" and crashing with the Feldmans for a few weeks. Haim has ravaged his body with drugs and alcohol; he looks much older and acts much younger than any 35-year-old should. And yet, there's something in Haim that comes through every so often that's a thousand times more genuine than Feldman's smug martyrdom over taking in his nutty friend. (That, or Haim is a truly talented actor. Huh.)

Thus far, we've seen Haim and the Feldmans clash over meat, Feldman's career priorities, Haim's health, Haim's 35th birthday, the Coreys' smoking -- all of it punctuated by some appalling passive-aggressive whining from Susie and some spectacularly wooden white-screen narration from all three of them. The one downside of this show being scripted is that I have a hunch where the narrative arc might be leading. There are a few possibilities here: Haim gets his shit together and starts working as an actor again; Feldman and Haim start making a movie together; Haim and Susie reconcile their differences and become closer or -- and sweet Tofurkey, I hope I'm wrong -- the last two storylines are mixed with pure evil and we're headed for a threesome.

If somebody's seen an advanced copy of the script and I'm right about that last one, let me know. Warn a girl, all right?

Comments

[Cheesemeister]

I agree--although on a logical level I know that "reality TV" is anything but real, let me continue to enjoy the appalling atrocities before me as if this kind of crap actually goes on.
Really, we're probably lucky it doesn't.
And if you find out about the threesome thing and its real, be sure to warn me!

[bK]

So who was it that won Rock of Love ive heard Jes or Brandi ;\ plz tell me so i can stop watching!