Catching up with the idiot box

I've checked my referral stats, and just about everyone who's been to the site in the past couple months has come from Google, where they've searched for "rock of love winner." (To the person who searched for "how long does it take to come out of a medically induced coma" -- buddy, whatever you're planning and whomever you're planning it for, don't do it.) So now that it's down to the final two, I guess I can spill the beans. Bear in mind, this is just something I've read on the Web, which means there's no guarantee whatsoever to its veracity.

I'm just relieved that Mia, Sam and Brandi M. were released from the compound unharmed.

In other TV news, I'll probably start recapping this season of America's Next Top Model soon. I was underwhelmed by this year's crop of contestants, but I've managed to peg Jenah and Lisa as the final two. (I'll probably be wrong; I've got no eye for these things. Still, every year I try.) The best part of the episode, though, was after the first cut, when the pool of semifinalists was cut to 20. The premiere took place on a cruise ship, and the cut was made at the port of Antigua. The lucky girls got to go back on the ship and the remaining 13 were... just left there. We have no indication how -- or if -- they got back home. Between the marooning of the losers and the inevitable "so you were flayed alive by bears... how do you think that prepares you to be America's Next Top Model?" probing questions from Tyra, this was one of the most brutal hours of television.

I was expecting more brutality from Gordon Ramsay in the premiere of the U.S. version of Kitchen Nightmares. But compared to the turbo-Guido who was failing miserably as the host of a Long Island Italian eatery, Ramsay was a well-mannered model of civility. Hell, next to the permatanned menace, Ramsay looked like Tim freakin' Gunn. Then again, maybe the whole cheesy Fox setup, with its persistent narration, dodgy editing and undeserved-gift-giving, made Ramsay look more elegant and refined by comparison. I'll keep watching the show, but I'll also keep watching reruns of the original on BBC America.

The actual Tim freakin' Gunn has a style show on Bravo, and thus far I'm pretty happy with it. I like that he goes into the reasons certain shapes look good on certain bodies and not others. I've come to the conclusion that dressing to suit your body is all about optics, using the manipulation of light through color and contrast to present a silhouette that's more conventionally pleasing than the one the wearer might actually have. (I try to do this a lot.) I could do without the all the show's giveaways, though, especially considering that every woman who's been on it so far has been pretty well-off. A gift of a designer purse to someone who'd never be able to afford it otherwise is a lovely gesture; the same gift to someone who already has a half-dozen designer purses (all of them atrocious) is kinda galling. I do love Gunn's interaction with his co-host Veronica Webb. I've been fond of Webb since Jungle Fever came out and I read several interviews where she came across as smart, funny and generally cool. She and Gunn play off each other beautifully, so if nothing else, I'll watch to see their chemistry.

But for platonic chemistry, you simply can't do better than Rob & Big. The show has been on for 2 seasons, but J and I only discovered it last week. Between exhausting bouts of yard work this weekend, we managed to watch just about every episode (thanks to the miracle of TiFaux) and we freaking loved it. You might not think a show about a tiny skater and his immense bodyguard/best friend would be so damn entertaining, but there's something magical about the way the two of them play off each other. The first episode of the second season, in which Rob decides to adopt a miniature horse, has some of the funniest damn TV I've ever seen.

Basically, this is our household, only J doesn't skate and I'm Caucasian.

Comments

[huntergrayson]

Hey, you included "medically induced coma" as an option for your hiatus.

I was/am up being all insomniac-y and was thinking of ANTM and *knew* it would bring you back.

I don't know how to describe its mesmerizing death grip to nonviewers but it has to be filled with some sort of addictive substance.

[lama]

I am pleased beyond all rational sense that you are back! ANTM would not have been worth it without you this season.

[Dr. Beevomit]

Thank goodness you're back and intact, both mentally and in your writerly ways. My wife and I will likely have to keep stopping by to see you work your witty wonders on the women of ANTM. Although - dayum, would it ever be funny to see you recap ANTM alongside America's Most Smartest Model - squee to Ben Stein! I was afeared that Jes was a setup after your post about RoL being rigged. Your friend wouldn't happen to be jt77 on Television Without Pity, would it?

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