Mission accomplished?

Well, it's taken almost a year and more than four easy steps, but Britney Spears has indeed lost custody of her children. And let's reflect on the fact that when we heard K-Fed was getting custody for the indeterminate future, we all breathed a sigh of relief, didn't we?

I know I've been profoundly lax in covering the Britney news, but there's been so much to keep up with! The VMAs, the Chris Crocker, the driving around without a license but with her kids in the car, the hit-and-run charges, the leaving the house without pants, the subpoenas and affidavits, and throughout it all, the horrible outfits, styling and accessories. It's rather impressive, when you think about it; she's managed to violate just about every standard possible: legal, ethical, parental, professional, and aesthetic.

And I would say "this isn't funny anymore," but now that the kids are in safer hands, it is kinda funny again, a little bit. I mean, come on:

That? Is funny, now that those spooky glowing eyes are far away from vulnerable toddlers.

For a while now, I've had the sense that Britney's life was veering dangerously close to Reno 911! territory. But her choice of clothing here indicates that the membrane between the two has finally been breached.

Hell, she's practically a cross between Trudy Weigel and Lieutenant Dangle! This was Sunday night, as Britney drove around -- still without a license -- and eventually had to stop for gas. Apparently, the fact that the car consumed gasoline confused her.

See, when she makes faces like this, I honestly cannot tell if she's so conditioned to mugging for the camera that she doesn't realize that it makes her look like a mental patient... or if she should, in fact, be a mental patient.

If I thought she would listen, I'd advise her to just lay low for a year or so. I'd tell her to start seeing a competent therapist several days a week and learning how to be a responsible grownup. I'd ask her to check for a "life coach" that could teach her the basics, like grooming, self-care, laundry, nutrition, money management, civics -- everything she's clearly missed out on since her last day in the 7th grade. And I'd urge her to fulfill every single requirement laid out by a judge and double up on the parenting classes.

But then, I think: this is the same woman who hit the tanning salon and went shopping after turning her sons over to their dad for full-time custody. Doing all of the above stuff is clearly beyond her. So I'll settle for this: when you're seeing your kids for the last time in who knows how long, leave the Carls Jr. cup in the car. That you illegally drove.

Comments

[Mindi]

So sad she turned into such a train wreck, not like we didn't see it coming for awhile. I hope, however, for the sake of the kids that are now safely out of insanity's way (yikes, I said that knowing they are with K-fed), that she gets her sh*t together and stops the madness. Somehow, I doubt it....

[Dr. Beevomit]

You simply could not pay me enough to provide therapy to this poor woman. Even if I were licensed to do so, she's in a freefall of her own making, and she shows no signs of hitting rock bottom yet. That's right, she's still got a looooong way to go before she smacks against the pavement of reality. At this point, girl could outskank most of the FoL and RoL girls. Maybe put together. I'll scream if she drops dookie in front of the paparazzi.

The scariest part of all of this is that K-Fed looks like the more competent parent. By far. The man who left the mother of his second child while she was 8 months pregnant. And who thinks he's the next coming of Vanilla Ice. And who was Britney's corrupter, as documented in "Chaotic." This, *this* is the parent so clearly superior to Brit-Brit that (in a judicial system that typically favors giving custody to the mom) gave him full physical custody. If e'er there were kids in need of prayers, them's be it.

[Cheesemeister]

I'm going to wax sickeningly sympathetic for a minute. I think that she is one of those that got too much too fast. When she was pushed into being a sexpot at 16, I knew nothing good could come of it. And yes, those poor kids. With a choice between Britney as a mother and K-Fool as a father, I fear those lads are doomed.