I am screaming and punching myself

The newest inmate

Meet Peach, our 6-month-old Wirehaired Dachsund.

Here, she's looking up at her dad J as if to say, "Why are you doing the 'watch me' gesture? I don't see a treat, so there's surely no point in it. And by the way, when can I begin barking again?"

When we first got her, we took her to our vet, who asked if we'd noticed any behavioral issues. We said, "Well, she does seem awfully fond of barking, and digging, and chewing." And the vet looked at us as if we had a collective IQ of 35 and said, "Dachshund."

That pretty much summarizes the past 4 months.

Scenes from Southern suburbia: a dialogue

Photo taken outside our home:

J: Jesus.

Me: I know. It's not just that they're Truck Nutz—

J: Which is bad enough.

Me: Which is totally bad enough. But they're so...

J: Engorged?

Me: Ewww! But, yeah, they're so large, it's just unreal. I wouldn't want to meet the guy those were attached to.

J: I'm not even sure they make human balls in that size. Those are from an elk or something.

Me: I don't think I'd want to meet that elk, either.

J: And they're hanging really low. Like, there's a really old-ass elk who's been flappin' free all his life.

Me: They need a bra.

J: And then to make them gold, and on a navy-blue truck, so that's where your eye is automatically drawn to.

Me: I know! Your eye is drawn there, but then you have to look away immediately because they're so awful.

J: This guy hates everyone who drives behind him.

Me: He hates everyone who parks near him, too, 'cause when you look closely, you can see that they're all... worn.

J: Well, see, that's lifelike, 'cause an old-ass elk would have some pretty scuffed-up balls after a while.

Me: I can't argue with that.

-Scene-

I'm back (and more boring than ever!)

Holy camole, has it really been almost 2 years since I quit writing here regularly? Dude. Let's see, in that 2 years, I've:

• Finished half of an MBA (yay?)
• Married J (yay!)
• Got laid off a week before I got married (bastidges!)
• Started my own business (Sorted)
• Got diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS--don't worry, I'm fine)
• Adopted an adorable Wirehaired Dachshund puppy (oh, and there will be pictures, people)
• Started looking for another job (yay?)

And amid all that, I kinda missed blogging. Specifically, blogging about the little things in life that can make such a difference, like pet costumery, guilty pleasure TV and the weird things we humans do.

Now, I'm not making any promises about the frequency of the blogging, but it'll probably be semi-regular until I find a job (and even then, who knows?). I will say that I won't be doing the exhaustive pic- and video-heavy recaps of show episodes, 'cause that shit is WORK.

But I did want to let you know that I missed blogging, and missed you, so if you're willing to have me in your feeds, I'd love to light this candle all over again.