I am screaming and punching myself

1-11: It's Springerrific!

Or is it Oprahtastic? Whichever it is (and maybe it's both), the Charm School reunion is unlike any of the other reunion shows of the whole Flavor of Love gravy train. Of course, there are still some of the constants we've come to expect from the reunions: the transformations, the crowd favorites, the confrontations, the host.

We've got to quit meeting like this, LaLa.

1-10: Slouching toward 54th and Crenshaw

Sorry this has taken so long. I've been sick for the past week, which is practically unheard-of for me. (Intestinal bug + heat exhaustion = bad, bad scene.) I'm feeling fatigued, listless, lightheaded, vaguely nauseated...

Yeah, like that. Exactly like that.

1-9: You've come a long way, (Mo's) babies

Well, sort of, anyway. This week's clip show gives us a chance to look back over the journey we've taken in Charm School. A journey that, to my utter astonishment, has not involved a weave clinic in which Saaphyri was given a more flattering style. We'll stagger over the well-worn terrain of Picturegate, the post-debate screamfest and the thrift store meltdown. But we'll also detour through a few never-before-seen moments... some of which will make us wish we hadn't.

So get in there and let's hit Memory Lane!

1-8: The "whore," the merrier!

It may seem strange that it's taken so long to get to the "dating and relationships" episode of Charm School, seeing as how all the contestants came from two of the most legendary pools in the history of the dating show. But considering the "prize" of those dating pools, such a lesson is long overdue and much needed for all of these women. A couple of them in particular.

Now, you're going to hear and read the "W" word a lot in this episode, and I've got some mixed feelings about it. For starters, I don't think it should ever be used in anger because it's not only an insult, it's an insult loaded with lots of cultural baggage. It's a pretty big gun and it should never be aimed with intent to harm. But I'm not opposed to it used as an exaggeration, if that makes sense. It gets tricky when you're not sure how it's being used, but in this clip, I think Mo's using it as a figure of speech, and it is pretty funny.

Not as funny as the mere sight of Mo with the giggles, but pretty funny.

1-7: Karma, the true HBIC

They really crammed a lot into this episode of Charm School: not only do we get Picturegate resolved, we are ... treated to a return appearance by New York and her assorted new body parts. We also get birthday partius interruptus, wild accusations, aggravated assault--styrofoam and plenty of skullduggery, tears, and, as always, stank.

That said, it's a pretty good time, right, Mo?

All right, then.

Anticipating finales and ... missing episodes?

The season finale for Shear Genius airs tomorrow night, and already I'm missing the show. Shear Genius really redeemed the Wednesday night creativity competition TV slot for me, and my delight in it was all the greater for it being such a surprise. Who knew a show about freakin' hair would be so compelling?

The nice folks who promote the show have slipped me a couple of sneak peeks once again. The first one shows the main challenge being explained, while the second one goes into more depth. I can't believe they didn't show the special guest, though: Vidal F'-in Sassoon. That's huge!

And speaking of missing shows, my TiFaux said there was no episode of Charm School this past weekend. The VH1 show site says there was no new episode of Charm School this past weekend. But according to some online buddies of mine, MTV (?) aired the new episode last night. Needless to say, I didn't catch it. So, unfortunately, we'll have to wait for the recap until the proper air date. I know, I know, it's killing me too. But, please, no spoilers, y'all. I want to (wait for it)... watch what happens.

1-6: Giving 'til it hurts

Once again, I find myself wondering, when it comes to Charm School, is this show brain-damaged or just plain bullshit? Or could it be both? Could the show suffer from a kind of mission-statement schizophrenia, as it attempts to help these women a bit as long as it doesn't get in the way of exploiting and humiliating them? Or, you know, just exploit and humiliate them completely, start to finish, while not offering any help at all. Ah, hell, I don't know. I'm just going to soldier through this recap as best I can, trying not to think too much about what this show says about personal development, philanthropy or society in general. Okay?

Okay!

1-5: Sweet stank of success

One of two things is happening with Charm School. Either it's going completely off the rails, turning into a free-for-all where neither rules nor logic apply, or it's as cynically planned and executed as a green-card wedding. And I suspect it's the latter. I feel like I can see the wires, even if I can't see who pulls them out of the rigged-up phone booth.

To my chagrin, you can see the captions in this week's episode. Sorry about that; there are still a few kinks in the new-TV setup. (On the other hand, I probably didn't misquote anybody this week!)

1-4: Master-debators

Ow! Oh, hell, I deserved it for that lame-ass pun in the title. And it will set the tone for this pugilistic episode of Charm School, in which the girls attempt to learn the graceful art of verbal battle (note: it doesn't happen) and one girl in particular (guess who!) picks as many fights as she can with people she believes won't actually kick the crap out of her.

Ya think?

1-3: It's a bird, but it ain't paradise

I'm gonna tell you up front: this episode of Charm School didn't entertain me to the level I have come to expect from a Flavor of Love-related show. I'd probably feel quite differently if I found fat people funny, but as I'm kinda one myself, the humor of backfat was pretty much lost on me.

For once, I'm going to agree with Larissa: this episode ain't all that. (I will not, however, threaten to kick its ass if it or any of its friends look at me the wrong way.)